Having a really demanding job has been known to cause a lot of problems for the individual from stress-related health complications down to erectile dysfunction as a result of HGH deficiency. The effects of a tough and involving job are obvious, but few people take note of the subtle effects it has on a marriage.
While many people refuse to admit just how severely it affects marriages, it cannot be overlooked that it does in some form. The question that should be on the table is not one of how serious the effect is, but what we should do when the strain starts.
A problem is usually best hemmed in at the very early stages, but in some cases, the problem isn’t even detected as a union threatening problem until it is full-blown. Marriage and family is a sacred union and is meant to be for life, the job has an inception time and a termination time, so it goes without saying that one is more important than the other.
Work addiction can easily result from demanding and involving jobs and when this is in play it can have immense implications even leading to divorce in some cases. There are a few things that could help out when the job is taking a toll on the marriage, but none of them can work without total commitment to them. Visit this site for a list of recommendations from real experts you can trust.
Try And Foster Understanding
I have found that in some cases where spouses are easily riled up by the demands of their partner’s jobs, the issue is one of understanding. Quite a number of spouses do not understand the jobs that their partners are involved in and this often hampers their understanding of the demands of the job.
In such cases, you may need to explain how important your job is and what it is you actually do. It is not enough for your spouse to know where you work and your position there, but they should know what that entails exactly. They can become more sympathetic, understanding and even supportive when they have a clearer view. Never assume that anyone should understand when you haven’t clearly shown them. The three steps to making this approach work are listening, apologize, explain.
This is only a part of the solution as you will obviously still have to make some sort of concession to maintain that newfound understanding and this leads me to the next point.
It may be a very firm agreement with your spouse to never bring work home or working towards taking a day off for family time. Concessions have to be made with consideration to its feasibility and your spouse’s needs. The cases are different and in some cases, where the embittered spouse is the wife, she may just need help around the house and with the children. Squeezing out time to do that just maybe what is needed. It may be an issue of intimacy and companionship. Making concerted efforts to satisfy that need will also go along way.
When your spouse really understands the demands of the job and sees your clear concerted efforts to please them, you just may buy some more support from your spouse. Besides, if you can expand yourself for the job, is it too much to ask to do the same to see your family work?
Build A Habit, Create A Pattern
Making concessions is not enough if you are not consistent with it. Imagine if one of the concessions is to have date nights or to take Tuesday afternoons off to handle the kids. If you have this as a verbal agreement and then you start a litany of excuses every day, then you have shot yourself in the leg.
To create a pattern or build a habit around your concessions simply means to stick to it religiously. This way your partner appreciates your effort much more. Little concessions followed strictly and consistently can do great good to your marriage.
Include Your Spouse in Your Work-Related Decisions As Well
You are a team, you are supposed to be indivisible. It’s okay to make family-based decisions with your spouse, but what about work-related decisions? The more involved your partner feels in your job the less likely they are to cause a stir. What happens if you are offered a promotion or a change of department or even a transfer?
It is wise to discuss such changes and their implications with your partner before you accept them and not after you accept them, this way you can make the decision together. This way they will feel responsible for your job state alongside yourself. What happens if your partner is opposed to the change? Well, I will suggest you take one for the team. Here, you need to remind yourself that family is far more important.
Seek External Help
When none of these are working and perhaps fostering understanding between the two of you are proving difficult, chances are that your partner is hearing you but refusing to listen to you. Often times a certain level of hurt and betrayal whether perceived or actual can make one of the people in the union lock up their vats of understanding. In this case, you may need external intervention from a counselor, a senior friend that you both respect or a parent.
Often times they will listen to someone else in this case even if they are saying the very same things you had been saying.
Make The Hard Change
I left this for last because it should only come in in extreme cases, but ignoring that it may be an actual solution to the problem is to ignore the obvious. What happens when all efforts have shown that the presence of the job and not just its demands are singled out as the culprit in your strained marriage?
“Start exploring other job options” would be my candid suggestion, you know take one for the team. Many people cannot stand to do this and admittedly it is absolutely the choice of the person who has the job. However, there are jobs that can give you more flexibility and freedom and still pay reasonably well. The internet and the increasing chances it presents has made sure of that.