The decision to ask for a divorce is not easy. You may feel confident about your decision to end the marriage one day, but have doubts the next day. While divorce is a deeply emotional issue, logic plays a role in determining your chances of making your marriage work. However, before you make that final decision to separate from your spouse, here are some things to consider before getting a divorce.
- Deal first with your emotions – Usually, what people notice first when they separate is the feeling of loneliness and isolation that invades them. It can be a bit overwhelming and shocking at first, it can even cause a feeling of pain that can cause crying and depression. Keep in mind that these are normal emotions and that you do not need to return quickly to your spouse simply because the feelings are too unbearable. You really need to think carefully, give yourself some time and space to grieve or overcome the initial shock first, then, once you have calmed down, you can think more clearly about your relationship and what action plan you need.
- Are you both willing to make the marriage work? – There are many ways to preserve a marriage, but they all take the will of both parties involved. You may want your marriage to work, but if your spouse does not cooperate, you should be realistic and think about seeking a divorce.
- Return for the right reasons – If you are having doubts about asking for a divorce, think about what could make you go back. You should never go back to your spouse because of fear or loneliness, you must be together again just for the right reasons. You must have a clear head to be able to think things through. Getting back together for any reason, other than the right one, would not be fair to your spouse. You both need to have genuine reasons for wanting to resolve the relationship, that is the only way you will both be more satisfied. If you end up with your spouse simply because it is better than being alone, or because you have no other choice, you will both end up unhappy again, increasing the likelihood of disagreements and another breakup.
- Review your finances – Request a copy of your credit report and try to correct bad credit as soon as possible. You need to know your credit score before getting a divorce. Pay off bad credit to increase your chances of getting good loans after divorce. Be sure to establish your finances and that you can still be financially independent after separation. Don’t just depend on the alimony and the part of the property you get after the divorce. Of course, you don’t want to spend your life paying tax liens and struggling to get a loan after divorce, so this makes the list of things to know before considering a divorce.
- Plan your career – Make sure you can still be financially independent after the divorce. Therefore, if you think you need to make a career change, you can also consider it even before applying for a divorce. If you are unemployed, you may want to consider looking for a job that helps you move forward after divorce.
- List or document your property and all marital properties – This will help you later when the divorce process proceeds, especially if your marriage is abusive and there are problems with finances. It will be helpful to have the necessary documents and papers to protect your assets. The collection of papers and all other essential documentation for the process is vital. In most cases, this would involve account numbers, bank records, loans, credit card reports, securities, mortgages and several other information, primarily related to your finances.
- Plan for your children – If you have children, they should be at the top of your list when considering a divorce. You must start by telling them about the separation. Make them understand why it has to end that way. Also, consider not only support for their education and childcare but also help them overcome the psychological and emotional impact of divorce. In fact, preparing for a divorce is not just about you and your spouse, but above all, you should also be preparing children to live a life with separated parents. Also, prepare yourself on how to care for your children after separation.
- Decide whether to hire a lawyer – Some may directly consider hiring a lawyer to guide them through the divorce process. However, if both you and your spouse still communicate reasonably well with each other, you can also consider mediation or the help of onlinedivorce.com to get away with the inconvenience of the legal process. Also, consider the cost of getting a lawyer and other divorce experts.
- Care for yourself – The roller coaster of emotions involved in a divorce can be devastating, but don’t let it take all your energy to live. Exercise, eat healthily and take the time to enjoy a hobby or interest. Redefine your goals. This will help you get out of depression and help you move on more quickly after separation. Things to consider before divorce includes how you will care for your mental health during your life after separation.
- Can you talk? Communication is critical in any relationship – Consider the level of communication between you and your spouse. If the connection has been interrupted between you and your spouse to the point where you barely speak, or your conversations become less frequent, it may be time to consider the possibility of requesting a divorce.
- Is there any spark between you and your spouse? – Relationships change, and no couple can expect to feel the same sense of mutual emotion as in their dating days, but in a healthy relationship, feelings of romance, closeness and sexual attraction will not die completely. Before considering a divorce, one thing you want to do is to be the person you were when you first got engaged. Do you remember that you were always on your best behavior when you went out with your spouse? You always made sure to look and smell good, being careful not to say something wrong. You may even have given your spouse a compliment or two along the way and never sweat small things. These attractive qualities are what united the two in the first place, and you should try to replicate these qualities again. It is very easy to put aside and stop worrying about these things as time goes by, the effort to be attractive almost seems like a task, but remember, when you try, your spouse will appreciate it more and will do the same instead. It is easy to take our loved ones for granted, this is the reason why people get divorced in the first place, they call it “heartbreak”, but in reality, both people have stopped worrying and treating, which leads to feeling bored, unloved and yearn for something new again. However, if the result of doing this is negative, then it is indeed time to move on.
- Is there abuse in your relationship? – Abuse is always a good reason to consider divorce. Abuse can be physical, mental, verbal or emotional, and sometimes it can lead to serious violence. If you feel threatened in your marriage, it is advisable to obtain a protection order and seek help at a domestic violence center before filing for divorce.
Sometimes, people with slightly different beliefs and approaches to life can make a relationship work. However, if your goals are extremely different from those of your partner, or if one or both has had significant changes in values during the course of your marriage, then it could be time to consider divorce. Listed above are what to know before getting a divorce. However, divorce should only be a last resort after every effort has been made to try to save your marriage.