Fifteen Things I Learned At White Cowbell Oklahoma's NXNE 2010 Show

I've got a White Cowbell Oklahoma record on my hard drive, and I listen to it now and again when I'm in the mood for some psychedelic Can-rock served up southern fried. I always think to myself how good it is and that I should probably get more of their stuff.

Well, I dropped by the El Mocambo to catch their North By Northeast set, and let me just say, the only way to properly describe a WCO concert would be to appropriate the name of another of Canada's own: Holy Fuck.

Here are 15 things I learned while watching White Cowbell Oklahoma:

1. Everything is better with strippers.

2. Will Ferrell is only the second best cowbell player in the world.

3. Over-the-top American patriotism is a lot easier to swallow when it’s done by tongue-in-cheek Canadians.

4. Not everyone can pull it off, but belt buckles and cowboy hats is a pretty badass look.

5. Seriously, every band should have strippers on stage.

6. Power tools: they're not just for shop class anymore.

7. Remember back in the '80s when every song had a giant guitar solo in it? Then the '90s came, and that went out of style? The '90s sucked.

8. The cowbell is the most versatile of all musical instruments, especially when combined with the aforementioned power tools.

9. If you have a band, and a member of said band is playing their last show with you, it is completely inappropriate to not have his clothes torn off by women in the middle of a song.

10. As far as hypemen go, Flavor Flav can learn a lot from Chainsaw Charlie.

11. Thanks to Great White, we all know that pyro is not a toy. That doesn't mean it isn't fun! As Beavis and Butthead taught us, fire is cool. Heh huh huh heh.

12. Guys are capable of multiple-orgasms. I know this because I left love stains in my pants during each guitar solo. The strippers may have helped in that regard.

13. Some people cannot be pleased. "There were no evil clowns!" whined some douche as the crowd exited the El Mocambo, about 20 times sweatier than when they entered. Go cry about it, you bitch.

14. I thought I knew many euphemisms for genitalia, but I am a mere amateur in that regard.

15. Not to beat a dead horse here, but Arcade Fire, you seriously need to incorporate some strippers into your shows.

My ten gallon hat is off to White Cowbell Oklahoma. I was blind, but now I see. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a Quebec-shaped belt buckle and some ostrich skin boots and then download the entire Deep Purple and Lynyrd Skynyrd discographies. Howdy!