I Was A Punk Rock Karaoke Star

Lee's Palace

Toronto

on Sep 10 2009

Steve McLean (CHARTattack)

09/11/2009 3:59pm

Opening for a karaoke act probably isn't the most coveted gig for an up-and-coming band, but Toronto's The Artist Life saw past a relatively small Lee's Palace crowd and seemed genuinely impressed to be on stage ahead of members of some of California's most notable punk bands — and a bunch of wannabe vocalists.

The melodic street punk quartet played an energetic set of material from last year's Let's Start A Riot, some new songs and — getting into the spirit of the evening — covers of The Ramones' "Blitzkrieg Bop" and Screeching Weasel's "Cool Kids." It was an energetic set and got the surprisingly young audience (which had me asking, "Were girls always this skinny?") primed for what was to come.

NOFX guitarist Eric Melvin, Adolescents and Agent Orange bassist Steve Soto, Social Distortion and Agent Orange drummer Derek O'Brien and Bad Religion and Circle Jerks guitarist Greg Hetson first got together to play some of their favourite punk tunes with guest vocalists on New Year's Eve in 1996. They enjoyed it so much that they've been doing it periodically since then when it fits their schedules.

It's a relatively easy payday for the four musicians and provides brief moments of exhilaration for those who sign up to share the stage with some of their punk heroes — if not always for the audience members forced to witness their time behind the microphone.

But enthusiasm counts most at Punk Rock Karaoke, not crooning ability. And there was lots of the former on display on Thursday night.

The first guy to take the stage had multi-coloured and textured hair, ripped jeans covered in patches and almost knee-high Doc Marten boots. In other words, he looked like your prototypical punk. His rendition of the Sex Pistols' "Pretty Vacant" was far from polished (or good, to be honest), but it set the stage for an uneven night of two dozen singers.

The second belter chose a Descendents number. He didn't look at the lyric sheet provided by the band, was very animated and wrapped the mic cord around his neck. It was definitely one of the most impressive performances of the evening.

That's the way things went through the 90-minute set. Some people knew the songs they chose, others didn't. A few could actually sing, while others seemed more comfortable stalking around the stage. Most of the vocalists were male, but a few women also took part.

The best of those with XX chromosomes was a platinum blonde, tattooed chick with a studded belt keeping up her jeans whose voice and attitude was well-suited to the Sex Pistols' "Bodies."

Melvin acted as the emcee and the band members were all decked out smartly in black suits, dark blue shirts and black ties, which made them look more like a quartet you'd see playing "Footloose" at a high school prom or a hotel lounge than a Dead Kennedys song in a rock club. But they knew the repertoire and showed off their instrumental skills by keeping everything together and not letting the songs become the anarchistic messes they easily could have become if lesser musicians had been saddled with the vocal "talent" they had to deal with.

There were three ringers in that list of talent. A trio calling themselves Stiff Wire are part of MuchMusic's DisBand program, and their cover of "Blitzkrieg Bop" was shot by a cameraman for the show. They might have looked the part, but I expected more from guys who are apparently skilled and charismatic enough to warrant television exposure.

Other singers by and large kept to traditional punk uniforms, including army pants and shorts, ripped jeans, leather and T-shirts declaring allegiances to the likes of Minor Threat, 7 Seconds, Bad Brains, NOFX, Descendents and AFI. I could have sworn the dude singing Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge" was wearing Capri pants with his black wife beater, but he imbued the song with just the right amount of nervous energy it deserves, so I'll give him a pass without any excessive mocking.

Steve Hill had an impressively spiky mohawk and his trip in from Oshawa, Ont. was made worthwhile when he nailed Bad Religion's "Fuck Armageddon" and capped it off with a visceral scream. Well done.

Other songs that crept up, for better or worse, through the first two-thirds of the set included Generation X's "Ready Steady Go," Descendents' "Suburban Home," The Go-Go's' "Our Lips Are Sealed," The Clash's "White Riot," Buzzcocks' "What Do I Get," Dead Kennedys' "California Uber Alles," Misfits' "Skulls" and "Bullet," Adolescents' "Amoeba" and Dead Boys' "Sonic Reducer."

Then it was my turn. I had gone to the Punk Rock Karaoke website earlier in the week and decided Devo's "Mongoloid" would be my song. But it wasn't on the list when I went to sign up at the club. So, since I had previously mastered "Blitzkrieg Bop" at the Media Idol competition two years ago, I decided to keep my Ramones tradition alive and decided upon "Sheena Is A Punk Rocker."

My Chuck Taylors were suitably scuffed, my 25-year-old jeans easily showed their age and my Sex Pistols Fuck Forever T-shirt made me look like a punk. My voice makes me sound like one even if I'm singing "Love Me Tender."

I removed the mic from its stand and attacked it from the outset, gripping it with two hands like a crazed strangler as I barked painfully at the crowd below. I prowled, I handled the stand menacingly, I bent down to let audience members sing part of the chorus — and I sounded terrible.

But the crowd fed off my energy and I got one of the biggest responses of the night, and not just from my handful of friends standing near the back of the venue.

A quick visit with bartender Joe Toole yielded a bottle of 50 that helped ease the discomfort of my raw throat for the home stretch of the show, which included pretty decent versions of Iggy Pop's "Search And Destroy," the Sex Pistols' "Anarchy In The U.K." and The Undertones' "Teenage Kicks."

Things ended with The Go-Go's' "We Got The Beat" by a guy who didn't know the lyrics and whose voice rivalled mine for coarseness. But the band saved the day by getting the audience to clap along and preventing a total trainwreck. Hippies might have called it a beautiful moment, had any been in attendance.

Punk rock has always had a do-it-yourself ethos, and it's seldom been pretty. Punk Rock Karaoke carries on that tradition.