Semi Precious Weapons @ NXNE 2008

BACKGROUND/COMPOSITION: These were fabulous NYC glam rockers led by a Space Oddity-era Bowie lookalike.

Grade: 94

Comment: In sum total, there was simulated fellatio, "borderline trannies," religious blasphemy, flagrant profanity, and a whole lot of finger-wagging. As long as there are men willing to wear scarves and heels and pout like supermodels, there will always been glam-starved fans ready to follow them.

Achievement of Rock 'n' Roll Expectations
80-100: Exceeds skill and knowledge expectations, i.e. rocked us so hard we peed our pants.
70-79: Achieves required skills and knowledge. Meets rock 'n' roll standard.
60-69: Demonstrates some skills. Approaches rock 'n' roll standard.
50-59: Demonstrates some required skills and knowledge in a limited way.
00-50: Has not demonstrated required skills or knowledge.

Learning Skills: E=Excellent, G=Good, S=Satisfactory, N=Sad Really

Oral And Visual Communication
Eye Contact: E
Pronunciation: G
Stage Presence: E
Stage Banter: E
Image: E
Appearance: E
Use Of Stage: G

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
The flamboyant frontman was the one with the best command of the stage and crowd, but the rest of the band could definitely hold their own, particularly the flailing bass player and the guitarist who alternated between sneering and pouting. As a certain Project Runway winner might say, this band epitomizes the word "fierce."

Musical Analysis
Level Of Participation: E
Problem Solving: G
Teamwork: E
Work Habits: E
Organization: G
Audience Participation: E
Sound: E
Composition: E
Songs: E

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
If you've ever seen the movie Velvet Goldmine, then you'll know what to expect — just up the raunch and the usage of "cunts" as a term of endearment. This was total glam boogie, and audience members of all genders were into it. It's not a far stretch to imagine that it sounds just as good on album too, and with a producer like Tony Visconti behind these guys, there's obviously a goldmine to be found here.

Other Skills And Areas Of Interest
Charisma: E
Problem Solving: G
Teamwork: G
Sexiness: E
Haircut: E
Indie Rock Footwear: G
Nods To Disposible Fashion: E
Cool Equipment: G
Level Of Inebriation: G
Actual Ability: E

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
Oh man, if I had a time machine that would allow for a glam-off battle between Semi-Precious Weapons and Robin Black & the Intergalactic Rock Stars. I'm pretty sure the space-time continuum would collapse upon itself in an explosion of glitter, eye shadow and demands of "louder!!"