Candy Coated Killahz @ NXNE 2008

BACKGROUND/COMPOSITION: Two bros and two bras play hip(ster)-hop that begs the question: Is irony still dead?

Grade: 75

Comment: It can be difficult to criticize music that is designed to be shallow. Indeed, Candy Coated Killaz revel in their semi-ironic bling 'n booty jams. Can you criticize a pig for wallowing in mud, especially when human beings pay through the nose for the same privilege? No, CCK deserve to be judged on their own merits. Did the booties bounce? Was the party fly? Did the people sweat? Yes, yes and yes.

Achievement of Rock 'n' Roll Expectations
80-100: Exceeds skill and knowledge expectations, i.e. rocked us so hard we peed our pants.
70-79: Achieves required skills and knowledge. Meets rock 'n' roll standard.
60-69: Demonstrates some skills. Approaches rock 'n' roll standard.
50-59: Demonstrates some required skills and knowledge in a limited way.
00-50: Has not demonstrated required skills or knowledge.

Learning Skills: E=Excellent, G=Good, S=Satisfactory, N=Sad Really

Oral And Visual Communication
Eye Contact: E
Pronunciation: G
Stage Presence: E
Stage Banter: G
Image: E
Appearance: E
Use Of Stage: E

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep: 
The male/fem/fem team rapped on such universal topics as sex, drugs and money. In the process, they worked the audience into a sweaty, pulsating and possibly drug-fuelled throng. This was no mean feat — NXNE audiences are notoriously stiff. Getting real dancing on a large scale is an impressive accomplishment. The band's secret was charismatic audience interaction and a crowd-pleasing sample of "I Like To Move It."

Musical Analysis
Level Of Participation: G
Problem Solving: G
Teamwork: E
Work Habits: S
Organization: G
Audience Participation: G
Sound: E Composition: S
Songs: S

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep: 
All the Candy Coated Killaz music came courtesy of Dynamic Danthrax The Harmonious, probably Dan to his friends. While the vocal trio did their thing, Dan bunkered down behind his laptop cuing the oversexed electro club beats that shook so many booties on the dance floor. Dan didn't look very busy behind his computer, but that doesn't mean he didn't pull his wait. No doubt his real work is done at home, assembling samples and beats long before the Killaz see the stage.
 
Other Skills And Areas Of Interest
Charisma: G 
Problem Solving: G
Teamwork: G
Sexiness: G
Haircut: G
Indie Rock Footwear: E
Nods To Disposible Fashion: E
Cool Equipment: N
Level Of Inebriation: E
Actual Ability: S

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep: 
Day-glo alert! Day-glo alert! Do not look directly into the band. Plaid-clad bloggers must love to sneer at CCK's outrageous when-the-'80s-raped-the-'90s fashion sense. Those same nerds probably masturbate to the DO's section of Vice every month. I do. For some, the Killaz are probably a guilty pleasure - the music critic equivalent of cotton candy sandwiches.