The Oholics @ NXNE 2008

BACKGROUND/COMPOSITION: Hey, it's Dan Burke's wet dream — a band that fuses The Soundtrack Of Our Lives' mediocrity with the Zoobombs' irritating buzz-saw rock drone.

Grade: 55

Comment: I'm gonna get killed for this one. The Oholics are terrible. Singer Christoffer Rydestahl's voice is endlessly grating and the music could best be described as awful blues bar rock. The band was competent enough, but the vocalist just killed it for me. I wanted to tear my ears out after two songs. I'm pretty sure I wasn't even remotely drunk enough to enjoy this band. More than enough people were, though. They were cheered wildly.

Achievement of Rock 'n' Roll Expectations
80-100: Exceeds skill and knowledge expectations, i.e. rocked us so hard we peed our pants.
70-79: Achieves required skills and knowledge. Meets rock 'n' roll standard.
60-69: Demonstrates some skills. Approaches rock 'n' roll standard.
50-59: Demonstrates some required skills and knowledge in a limited way.
00-50: Has not demonstrated required skills or knowledge.

Learning Skills: E=Excellent, G=Good, S=Satisfactory, N=Sad Really

Oral And Visual Communication
Eye Contact: E
Pronunciation: G
Stage Presence: G
Stage Banter: S
Image: S
Appearance: S
Use Of Stage: G

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
The Oholics had a weird detachment. They looked distant, like they were performing to the wall behind the bar rather than the crowd. And the guy whose main job it was to shake the tambourine smiled like he was enjoying an inside joke. It was a little off-putting. There's something else — they are just kids, but they play like a group of 40-year-olds. Not in a good way. They reminded me of the house band at a lacrosse game. 

Musical Analysis
Level Of Participation: G
Problem Solving: G
Teamwork: E
Work Habits: E
Organization: E
Audience Participation: E
Sound: N
Composition: N
Songs: N

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
Basically, I just don't get bands like this, and I think there's a lot of other people who don't, either. The people near the front were eating it up, but those closer to the bar looked a little bewildered, like they were waiting to be impressed. The payoff never came for them or me. This was a painful listening experience. I could at least ignore People In Planes if I chose. The Oholics were too loud for that. 

Other Skills And Areas Of Interest
Charisma: G
Problem Solving: G  Teamwork: E
Sexiness: S
Haircut: S
Indie Rock Footwear: E
Nods To Disposible Fashion: G
Cool Equipment: E
Level Of Inebriation: S
Actual Ability: G

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep: 
Judging by the reaction, most of the crowd was either drunk or believed they were supposed to like this group because Burke booked them for three nights. If you are hammered and want to sway to the bad version of The Brian Jonestown Massacre (Action Makes put the good version was on display earlier), I encourage you to check them out. Everyone else, stay far, far away.