Love Kills @ NXNE 2008

BACKGROUND/COMPOSITION: Love Kills are Torontonian quintet who sound like Pad Thai or something.

Grade: 30

Comment: Love Kills are apparently breaking up next week. They should have gotten over this the week before NXNE instead and saved innocent onlookers from this excruciating performance. Things started dubiously with bassist Mark Bergshoeff horribly out of tune and only went downhill from there. This "show" eventually deteriorated into a tense battle of wills between singer/guitarist Pat Rijd and the rest of the band.

Achievement of Rock 'n' Roll Expectations
80-100: Exceeds skill and knowledge expectations, i.e. rocked us so hard we peed our pants.
70-79: Achieves required skills and knowledge. Meets rock 'n' roll standard.
60-69: Demonstrates some skills. Approaches rock 'n' roll standard.
50-59: Demonstrates some required skills and knowledge in a limited way.
00-50: Has not demonstrated required skills or knowledge.

Learning Skills: E=Excellent, G=Good, S=Satisfactory, N=Sad Really

Oral And Visual Communication
Eye Contact: S 
Pronunciation: S
Stage Presence: S
Stage Banter: N
Image: S
Appearance: G
Use Of Stage: G

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
Singer Heather Flood put on a brave face. She sang and tambourined her heart out, but there's not much you can do if your lead guitarist and the guy who's supposed to share vocal duties with you is hell-bent on being as sullen and difficult as possible. From rolling his eyes at song requests to ending each song with a prolonged burst of guitar feedback (my ear drums thank you for that, prick), Rijd succeeded in whatever passive-aggressive quest he was on to sabotage the gig.

Musical Analysis
Level Of Participation: N
Problem Solving: N
Teamwork: N
Work Habits: N
Organization: N
Audience Participation: S
Sound: S
Composition: E
Songs: E

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
It's not Love Kills' musicianship that's in question — their recordings and past gigs have proven they can craft good songs and play them with flair — but it seems like their professionalism could use some work. The out of tune bass was a pretty big faux pas as well — electric tuners cost 10 bucks.

Other Skills And Areas Of Interest
Charisma: S
Problem Solving: N
Teamwork: N
Sexiness: G
Haircut: G
Indie Rock Footwear: G
Nods To Disposible Fashion: G
Cool Equipment: G
Level Of Inebriation: G
Actual Ability: G

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
For a band that seems to be in its death throes, there's really no point in offering constructive criticism or suggestions for improvement. Good luck in your future endeavours, and remember that aside from your friends and poor writer saps like me who are obligated to sit through your set, people have better things to do on a Friday night than watch musicians throw tantrums on stage.