Koogaphone @ NXNE 2008

BACKGROUND/COMPOSITION: A double assault of two chicks with guitars, plus a dude pounding the skins in the back.

Grade: 68

Comment: I seem to recall seeing Koogaphone at NXNE years ago (kinda hard to forget that band name), and was similarly underwhelmed by them. It's hard to define what this trio is missing, but it's something they really ought to figure out before they spend any more Air Miles getting here.

Achievement of Rock 'n' Roll Expectations
80-100: Exceeds skill and knowledge expectations, i.e. rocked us so hard we peed our pants.
70-79: Achieves required skills and knowledge. Meets rock 'n' roll standard.
60-69: Demonstrates some skills. Approaches rock 'n' roll standard.
50-59: Demonstrates some required skills and knowledge in a limited way.
00-50: Has not demonstrated required skills or knowledge.

Learning Skills: E=Excellent, G=Good, S=Satisfactory, N=Sad Really

Oral And Visual Communication
Eye Contact: G
Pronunciation: S
Stage Presence: G
Stage Banter: S
Image: S
Appearance: G
Use Of Stage: S

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
It's a band like this that make me feel sorry when they have no clue how to handle a Toronto audience - especially one as fickle as the Bovine's. The London accents in their uncomfortable banter were still charming, at least. I'm also not sure what they were trying to go for with their image: '90s riot-grrrl, maybe? In that case, they didn't exactly hit the mark.

Musical Analysis
Level Of Participation: S
Problem Solving: G
Teamwork: G
Work Habits: G
Organization: G
Audience Participation: S
Sound: S
Composition: S
Songs: G

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
They'd like to be compared to Hole or PJ Harvey, but their music had absolutely none of the same piss and vinegar that those punk girls have. There was also another case of asking the audience for permission to play "just one slow song," which is usually a cue to cringe or go for a cigarette, but in this case, it was actually one of Koogaphone's better songs. Strange.

Other Skills And Areas Of Interest
Charisma: S
Problem Solving: G
Teamwork: G
Sexiness: S
Haircut: G
Indie Rock Footwear: S
Nods To Disposible Fashion: G
Cool Equipment: S
Level Of Inebriation: G
Actual Ability: S

Strengths/Weaknesses/NextStep:
No tea for these ladies — they were swinging beers throughout their set, which made a good impression on the crowd, especially considering that not much else moved them. I found myself more interested in watching Fox's Stupid Human Tricks or whatever was playing on the TVs above the bar. Definitely not a good sign.