Crytopsy @ CMW 2006

Hometown:  Montreal, QC

Background/Composition: Take five guys. Put lots of hair on them. Dress them in black. Make them super effing pissed. Then hand them two guitars, a bass, a mic and a drum kit that would make Tommy Lee envious. Let the death metal begin, and for the love of god, man, make sure you have earplugs.

Grade: 87

Comment: Scorching death metal at it's finest, complete with guttural growls and long hair flying in unison (clockwise). They're loud. They will make you fear. And they will inspire great bouts of violent slam-dancing that will knock the beer bottles from your table. Seriously. And they'll also blow the sound system.

Achievement of Rock 'n' Roll Expectations
80-100: Exceeds skill and knowledge expectations, i.e. rocked us so hard we peed our pants.
70-79: Achieves required skills and knowledge. Meets rock 'n' roll standard.
60-69: Demonstrates some skills. Approaches rock 'n' roll standard.
50-59: Demonstrates some required skills and knowledge in a limited way.
00-50: Has not demonstrated required skills or knowledge.

Learning Skills: E=Excellent, G=Good, S=Satisfactory, N=Sad Really

Oral And Visual Communication
Eye Contact: E
Pronounciation: N
Stage Presence: E
Stage Banter: E
Image: E
Appearance: G
Use Of Stage: E
Strengths/Weaknesses/Next Step: Pronunciation? Are you kidding me? I'm still trying to figure out how the man even has a larynx left after roaring against the pounding of double bass drums, dueling guitars and the shouting hordes of fans. And how do you not love a singer/voice-of-doom who will spot a girl near the stage, bend down and say politely, "Hello, victim, how are you?" Use of stage mainly occupied by large amounts of swirling heads of hair. Awesome.

Musical Analysis
Level Of Participation: E
Problem Solving: E
Teamwork: E
Work Habits: E
Organization:E
Audience Participation: E
Sound: E
Composition: G
Songs: G
Strengths/Weaknesses/Next Step: The audience was so appreciative that they nearly knocked over a number of tables, not to mention violently knocking fellow dancing fans halfway across the room. Pansies best cower behind the bar where it's safe. Cryptopsy also nearly destroyed the Vatikan's sound system. Monitors went down a number of times, but the band didn't even flinch. After a song or two, the volume returned to its full ear-exploding capacity. They dedicated "The Pestilence That Walketh In Darkness" to the sound guy.

Other Skills And Areas Of Interest
Charisma: G
Problem Solving: E
Teamwork: E
Sexiness: S
Haircut: E
Indie Rock Footwear: N
Nods To Disposible Fashion: N
Cool Equipment: E
Level Of Inebriation: G
Actual Ability: E
Strengths/Weaknesses/Next Step: There's nothing particularly sexy about these guys unless you dig evil. Loud evil. Evil with long hair. Evil that holds all of Cryptopsy's charisma. But even the cool-as-shit monster drum kit couldn't shake me from staring at the guy who's receding hairline -- combined with long curly tresses -- gave him a distinctly Klingon appearance.