Broken Social Scene's Brendan Canning Trash Talks Olympic Gold Medalist Adam Van Koeverden

When all the hubbub of secret Arcade Fire shows, NXNE music festivals and giant Toronto Island concerts with Pavement finally subsides, there are going to be a bunch of malnourished, drug-addled rock stars and rock star hanger-ons ceremonially trotted on to Toronto's BMO Field for something called the "Put The Boot In" Charity Soccer Match."

The fourth annual event sponsored by NXNE and Right To Play pits musicians against media-and-friends in a "friendly" game on the pitch.

This year Broken Social Scene's Brendan Canning and Bedouin Soundclash's Eon Sinclair will be involved on the Rockers side. "The World" team, despite having Rick Campanelli on the roster, were smart enough to recruit legit athletes like Olympic rowing gold medalist Adam Van Koeverden to play on their team.

To a person, these folks take this game waay seriously. So seriously, in fact, that when we suggested that Van Koeverden and Canning engage in a little pre-match trash talk, the result was like an email nail bomb delivered in a weirdly obsessed-with-the-Dutch-nationals package. Below is a transcript of their conversation.

Adam Van Koeverden:

Top 5 reasons why Indie rockers should not play sports.

1. Skinny jeans promote groin sprains and Ray-bans have terrible peripheral vision.
2. There are no time-outs to proclaim their necessarily ironic and obscure-by-nature influences, opinions and ideas.
3. Neither Stiegl nor Pabst Blue Ribbon replenish electrolytes.
4. Marijuana cigarettes ARE on the World Anti Doping Agency's list of banned substances.
5. Because their two-minute fixed-gear-bike ride to the new coffeeshop on a street you've never heard of followed by hung-over bocce ball in Trinity Bellwoods Park does not constitute a workout.

It's on!

Brendan Canning:

OK….

1. I wear loose fitting summer slacks and Tom Fords NOT Ray Bans.
2. Opinions and ideas and are best left for sideline chit-chat. On the field it's victory first, then blood... because blood is thicker than water.
3. I drink 100 per cent agave tequila and a little drink called Vega Sport. Exclusively!!
4. Marijuana is a great lubricant for post-game analysis and writing indie rock HITS!
5. I ride a three-speed Elan hot rod circa 1977. My coffee shops are located on Queen St. E & W.
...and what's all this talk about bocce ball. I'm a footballer, born and raised. LEAVE YOUR PADDLES IN THE BARGE.

Adam Van Koeverden:

That's a lot of good Defense... Where's the Offense?

Is [Real Madrid manager] Jose Mourinho coaching you guys?? Come outta your end and strike a few blows!

I don't own a Barge... But I have a friend...

I will concede that your indie rock hits are rather remarkable... FRR is on my summer hits-list. But we're talking Football here! You'll need the endurance of ten Gord Downies to match our intensity! So trade the bong and yoga for some hill sprints and a Powerbar and maybe you'll have a chance!!

Brendan Canning:

Last time I checked Jose Mourinho was pictured holding the Champions League trophy and wearing a damn fine suit. It seems Milito's [Diego, Internazionale Milano striker] offence was sufficient to cruise past Bayern [Munich] that day and let's face it, it's all about winning football matches. I actually watched the game in Heidelberg in a room full of Munich supporters. Tense.

Ten Gord Downie's eh?

Don't you worry about my bong hits and yoga, by day's end I'll have put 15 km's on my CCM. I'm match fit and ready to run any rower off off dry land.

The media team??? Please... go send some more emails.

Adam Van Koeverden:

You needn't remind me of Mourinho's recent victory. While you sat in Heidelberg I watched from the 8th row in Madrid... My Dutch pride was tested while van Bommel [Mark, Bayern Munich midfielder] and Robben [Arjen, Bayern Munich forward] failed to finish what they started, it was classic Dutch vs. Italian soccer. Winning is the point but there is something about beautiful total Dutch football that makes Italian 10 goaltender crap look cowardly.

If you challenge me to a running race, then I'm afraid I'll be forced to reply with a gentlemen's request for a bass-off. It's only fair.  

The media team has RINGERS... the rockers will just have RINGS under their swollen eyes from the big show on the Island the night before. I'll arrange for a stool on stage so your legs don't get too tired. Or I suppose you can lean up against any of the 25 other people on stage...

Brendan Canning:

Now if you're saying you saw the game live I have to say, YOU Bastard!

And yes, Robben was disappointing and clearly missed his buddy Ribery [Franck, Bayern Munich winger] who has problems of his own for sure... needless to say.

I'm taking the Dutch over Italy this World Cup. Lord knows Ireland ain't makin' an appearance.

As for your RINGERS, we've got Mark Oliver in the backline. He's got endurance and he's DJ'd more after-parties than any human alive or dead. The ROCKERS are ready! Rings or no rings.

See you on Toronto Island for my patented drop kicks from stage. Mere warm up for the Sunday Father's Day Massacre. In the name of Ruud Hullit, Johan Cruyf, Marco van Basten, Dirk Kuyt and any other Dutch footballers whose names I just misspelled.

Let us end this mental warfare lest my opponent be too brow-beaten to show up on game day.

Adam Van Koeverden:

Let the record show that the Rockers begged for mercy in the pot shotting!!

Brow beaten? My brows are fresh and full of youthful vigour! You'll need to work harder than that to bust my chops!

I was out training in the rain this morning whilst you and your rocker teammates sought refuge from the elements with your coffees and instruments indoors!! Football is rain or shine so toughen up princesses!!

Oh and Yes! I was fortunate enough to be in Madrid! Eat your heart out!!

The "Put The Boot In" Charity Soccer Match takes place Sunday, June 20, 1 p.m., at BMO Field in Toronto. To make a donation to Right To Play, go here.