Five Bands That Should Become Robots

Lots of hair metal bands in the '80s sang about getting oiled up and doing some repetitive motions (mostly involving thrusting), but it was never vital to them performing. Well, that's all about to change.

One avant-garde professor at the California Institute Of The Arts had his students build and program robots who are not only capable of playing instruments, but of improvising on them.

Obviously, this is going to have a large impact on the music industry, so we here at CHARTattack figured we'd make a list of some of the artists and bands who would most benefit from this breakthrough.

Here they are:
 
KISS
Come on, these guys aren't getting any younger. Eventually, even Gene Simmons' legendary "sprocket" is going to break down and no amount of Viagra is gonna revive it. If you get a machine in there, it'll never let the groupies down, so long as you program it to rock 'n' roll all night, and party every day.

The band have also never shied away from replacement members and studio help. Splash some makeup on a robot, strap a Les Paul to it, and send it out on stage while pretending it's Ace Frehley — with the right programming that machine will literally be made for lovin' you. Hey, it can't be any worse than the Vinnie Vincent years.

Daft Punk
These French DJs have been hard at work for 17 years, taking bleeps and bloops, running 'em through computers, and ending up with the most danceable music to ever come out of the city of lights. Considering those stuffy helmets they wear during performances you'll have to forgive them if they want to take a night off here and there and have some mechanized doppelgangers take over. Let's face it: you wouldn't know the difference.

moe.
This is all about efficiency. Take any jam band, replace them with improvising robots, and you automatically cut a tour's costs in half. There ain't a robot alive that needs to smoke half a pound of sticky-icky just to get inspired on stage. So why moe. and not Phish or any other band you can only enjoy on 'shrooms? Robo-moe has such a cool ring to it.

Les Claypool
Look, the guy has played with everyone else at this point, from Stewart Copeland to Henry Rollins to Tom Waits to Metallica. The only things he hasn't shared a stage with are performing machines and Lady Gaga, and they basically come down to the same thing. Les, make it happen.

The Trons
This New Zealand foursome are already all robots, so they're ahead of the game. Still, I find their playing stiff and unimaginative. Replace some original members with those noodling inventions from CalArts, and you'll have audience members to light up a bowl while enjoying a 20-minute mecha-guitar solo.