Danko Jones' Top Five Albums Of 2009

Music should make you want to drive fast, smash shit, or make dense sex. Anything less is music for your mom and dad. As I get older, I want my music angrier, faster, louder and more obnoxious. Here are my top albums of 2009.

1. DOOMRIDERS Darkness Comes Alive
This album crushes like a tank driving across the face of every folk singing, Amish-looking, siphoning-money-from-their-trust-fund, freshly tattooed faux hipster living at their mom's. Featuring Nate Newton on guitar, (away from his usual bass duties in Converge) their "death 'n' roll" battering leaves you wanting more and more. This is my album of the year, and I love hearing it flatten anyone else's suggestion for album of the year.

2. SACRIFICE The Ones I Condemn
This is metal the way it's supposed to be played. Too bad most of these new thrash bands out today sound like watered down Nuclear Assault (now that's really watered down!). This being their first album in 16 years didn't slow anything down. It slayed so bloody hard, just like my 14th level Magic-User slayed your 4th level Druid.

3. KREATOR Hordes Of Chaos
With every release Mille Petrozza and company get better and better. Enemy Of God, their previous album, was a true comeback and this year's candidate picks up where they left off. Besides "Warcurse" sounding a little too close to "War Ensemble," all tracks kill (choice cuts "Absolute Misanthropy," "Amok Run") and make up a very solid disc that accompanied me for most of the year, never wavering or getting old.

4. FUTURE OF THE LEFT Travels With Myself And Another
Rising from the ashes of McClusky in 2007 came Future Of The Left and their stunning debut, Curses. Releasing their sophomore effort this year firmly established them as more than a bright anomaly amongst the post-Jesus Lizard generation. Thank God this band exists.

5. CONVERGE Axe To Fall
Despite its late fall album release date, this fucking monster stormed out of the gates and upon first listen left me speechless, which my close friends will tell you is almost impossible to do. This is a supreme return for the Salem four. My official album review consists of four words — Holy Mother Of Fuck.