John Mayer Gets Variety Show

11/13/08 3:29pm

by Kate Harper (CHARTattack)

Egads! John Mayer is set to host his own weekly variety show. (This sounds very Elvis Costello to us, except it's John Mayer, so it won't be nearly as cool.)

Mayer will host a CBS show that should begin airing early next year, according to TMZ. Emmy and Grammy Awards producer Ken Ehrlich has signed on to produce the show, which will reportedly feature music, variety and sketches in a '60s style.

Here are some things we'd like to see on a John Mayer variety show:

A segment called "No Such Thing," where Mayer debunks Hollywood rumours... and makes more up for shits and giggles. Paparazzi should definitely be involved, and these rumours should usually involve Jennifer Aniston. Wait. That's actually a bad idea.

A Room For Squares, where anyone "uncool" has to go sit for a timeout. Oh, wait. That would probably include the show's host. Never mind.

A segment called "Heavier Things," in which audience members have to guess which item on a scale weighs more than the other. This has some potential for Monty Python-esque hilarity, providing it's done in ridiculous voices.

Another segment called the "John Mayer Trio," where Mayer plays songs with two other guest stars. Actually, no. That's definitely a bad idea. No one needs to hear Mayer sing on his own show.

Instead of a segment called "Music Lessons With John Mayer," one called "Music Lessons For John Mayer," where better musicians (read: every other member of the John Mayer Trio) teach Mayer how to play. (Mayer launched a column called "Music Lessons With John Mayer" in Esquire magazine back in 2004.)

Another segment called "Worst Tattoos Ever," where audience members are invited up on stage to show off their bad tattoos. The goal is to best Mayer in terms of bad inkage. This is a near impossible feat, but for sheer hilarity, it's worth a shot.

Actually, the only way this show will be funny is if Mayer is displayed in all of his douchebag glory, a la video below: