Maximum RNR Heading East

10/24/08 12:14pm

by Aaron Brophy (CHARTattack)

Probation officers and unsuspecting vacuum cleaner nozzles will surely be on high alert with the announcement that Toronto rockers Maximum RNR and Brutal Knights will be spreading their sores across eastern Canada with relentless Moncton rockers Iron Giant.

The retardedly named Beastage In The Eastage tour will mark the first time the Knights, led by Neil Hamburger-aspirant Nick Flanagan, will head out east.

Maximum RNR, who'll be pimping their new, limited edition, coke bottle green split seven-inch with New Jersey's Electric Frankenstein, have both toured out east, and with Iron Giant before. Needless to say, they expect the worst.

"In one week alone, we've witnessed those goons [in Iron Giant] drink enough booze to kill a stable of horses, shove cigarette butts up their arses, still burning, mind you, parade around stage in adult diapers, stretch their ball-sacks over sleeping singers' faces and perform self-gratification in public places," says RNR guitarist (and Chart contributor) Keith Carman.

"I think I've actually seen [Iron Giant] bassist P.J. Dunphy's hairy bum more than I've seen his face. I'd probably recognize that first. A day on the road with Iron Giant is like to three years in a mental institution, so it takes a special case to be able to handle touring with them. We're that special kind of stupid."

Carman figures Brutal Knights are going to be nervous about trying to keep up with the shenanigans.

"I'm anticipating something along the lines of watching singer Nick Flanagan recite Mitch Hedberg-esqe comedy sketches to the drummer wearing nothing but a pair of Spider-Man briefs all while [guitarist] Katie G. Warrior bellows out the lyrics to Obituary's 'Chopped In Half' for background music," says Carman, predicting their set.

"From what I figure, the bass player [Dmang Rodrigues] will be too loaded to contribute — that's the only thing they know how to do properly. Jon [Sharron] the guitarist will stare vacantly. Either that, or they'll just see us and opt to stay as far away as humanly possible."

Here are Maximum RNR's dates on the Beastage In The Eastage tour:
Nov. 14 Toronto, ON @ Bovine Sex Club w/ Drunkula and Crack Kills
Nov. 15 Ottawa, ON @ Irene's Pub w/ Crack Kills and Manpower

With Iron Giant and Brutal Knights:
Nov. 18 Fredericton, NB @ Nicky Z's
Nov. 19 Charlottetown, PEI @ Hunter's Ale House
Nov. 20 Saint John, NB @ A Khord
Nov. 21 Moncton, NB @ The Paramount Lounge
Nov. 22 Halifax, NS @ Hell's Kitchen (Marquee)