Canadian Idol Unplugged? Try Uninspired

07/29/08 4:50pm

by Trevor Morelli (CHARTattack)

Monday's Canadian Idol episode featured former Bush frontman turned solo trainwreck Gavin Rossdale helping the wannabe Idols do "unplugged" versions of their favourite songs.

While I don't have a problem with Rossdale, I have a problem with bad math. If Sixteen Stone came out in 1994 and the only people who watch this crap were born in the same year, how the hell are the viewers going to know who Bush are in the first place?

Nevertheless, Rossdale fed each of the eight remaining hopefuls his best advice — usually generic meanderings along the lines of "Sing every line like it's the only line in the song" and "Pick a person in the audience and look them in the eyes when you're on stage."

Sebastian Pigott was up first and performed a painfully achy version of Little Richard's "Lucille." His voice seemed to crack on the higher notes.

"This is the best thing you've done", commented judge Sass Jordan.

Admittedly, I haven't watched the show much this year, but this guy must be picking some pretty cringe-inducing tunes if this is the best thing he's done.

Things cheered up a little after a commercial break. Clad in a classic plaid shirt and jean jacket combo, Earl Stevenson hit the stage for his rendition of Ryan Adams' "Two." It was refreshing to hear a lesser known but still recent song, and Stevenson did himself a solid by sticking to something similar to his style. Judge Jake Gold provided the strangest comment of the night, saying "I'd really like to sit and enjoy you."

Man, sometimes the jokes just write themselves. My guess is that Stevenson will be safe for another week, but I suppose you just never know when you leave your fate in the hands of 14-year-olds and their mothers.

Rossdale wasn't the only has-been on Monday night's show. The next segment opened with a shot of Massari sitting in the audience. If you're frantically racking your brain to try to remember what he sang, you're not alone. I tried for 10 minutes. Forget it. It's not even worth Googling.

Mark Day performed a bland version of Sugarland's "Stay." Day instantly became my second pick for the bottom three, as the song seemed to be out of his vocal range and he didn't even attempt to connect with the audience. Judge Zack Werner had nothing good to say, so instead he compared Day to "a big grape." Host Ben Mulroney tried to redeem the situation by saying, "Better a big grape than a big giant disco ball," referring to Werner's glittery shirt and jacket. Lame.

Mitch MacDonald's rendition of Alison Krauss' version of Bad Company's "Oh, Atlanta" wasn't much better than Day's performance. At this point, I started to question some of the song choices on this episode. The country-infused tunes clearly didn't fit either the singers or the viewers. MacDonald tried to explain his choice by saying he wanted to "give people a taste of the east coast." Maybe this guy needs an agent to tell him he's on Canadian Idol, not Bluegrass Idol. All four judges seemed to agree. In the words of Farley Flex, "You've got to pick songs that challenge you."

About halfway through the show, some of my hope was restored. After singing a mediocre version of Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" that landed her in the bottom three last week, Amberly Thiessen woke up. Maybe she had an epiphany, because her version of Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am" was fantastic. Thiessen's smooth voice matched the soft tone of the song, not unlike a Norah Jones ballad.

"I've seen Ingrid Michaelson perform that song, and I have to say I'd much rather watch you perform it," said Gold.

"You are one of the rarest people we've had on the show," added Werner.

Mookie Morris delivered a slick cover of The Band's "Ophelia" to his hometown crowd. He wore a cool black vest and fedora and, surprisingly, didn't butcher the song. He's only 18, but he's already five steps ahead of most of these wannabes.

The last quarter started with Drew Wright performing Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning," and he has that band's Adam Levine thing down to a science. Every note, strut and clap he did made his image a complete copycat of the group's frontman. They could've popped in a CD instead, and half the audience wouldn't have even noticed. Werner also believes Wright needs his own identity, saying, "I think it may be the best you've sung, but I don't know what the heck you are."

"I find it kinda ordinary," added Gold.

Theo Tams had the "honour" of closing the show with his version of Serena Ryder's "Weak In The Knees." His faux hawk may have won him some points with the ladies, but I found this rendition to be a bit soft compared to the other song choices the guys made. The name of the game is to get people to listen to your soon-to-be dollar-bin CD, not put babies asleep to it. Why does this guy pick songs by women all the time, anyway? Although I thought it was drowsier than a bottle of NyQuil, his looks will probably keep him in for another week.

All in all, it was an OK show. Four contestants sucked, two did alright, and two delivered the goods. With any luck, it'll be Pigott, Day, and MacDonald in the bottom three. My guess is that Pigott will finally pack his ass home after he curses the judges and vows to never buy another Bush album.

Tune in Tuesday at 8 p.m. ET/PT to see if I'm right.