Canadian Idol Starts Again

Wannabe singers and reality television fans unite. Canadian Idol kicked off its sixth season on Tuesday night. If that doesn't get your heart pumping, I don't know what will.

The show (or should I say competition?) opened with an attempt at a dramatic recap of last year to try and illustrate the heart-wrenching struggle it takes to become the Canadian Idol. While the music and slow-motion video montage was meant to elicit feelings of excitement, intensity and nostalgia, it made me feel a little dead inside.

My favourite part was when the judges were shown both complimenting and insulting last year's contestants. At least some of the "constructive criticism" was entertaining. Oh yeah, false-tanned host Ben Mulroney made me laugh, too.

After the recap, it was time to start the search for Canada's next big winner.

The first contestant walked into the room, a little jittery, perhaps coming down from a night of partying. Either way, the judges had none of the kid's attempt at the Cherry Poppin' Daddies' "Zoot Suit Riot." It was bad, but compared to what followed, I would have let him through.

The second contestant decided to kill rock history when she butchered Janis Joplin's "Piece Of My Heart." Next!

It got worse. Contestant three thought it would be smooth to perform a Jimmy Cliff medley. There's a reason that man's the reggae god: no one can do what he does. Do us all a favour and don't try.

The reggae impersonator, Joplin butcherer and swinger were axed. But somehow a skinny, blonde-haired something, who judge Zack Werner likened to a "chewing gum commercial," made it through by singing Queen's "Tie Your Mother Down."

One woman attempted Amy Winehouse's "You Know I'm No Good." It could have been worse. She was half able to capture the grain of Winehouse's voice.

Then there was Omar Lunan: a single dad who loves to sing. Peeking into Omar's life through the snapshot video, we see him playing with his son and talking about music, saying, "People aren't feeling music like they used to." Well, this show ain't helping the cause. But of course the show prays for contestants like Lunan. When you pair sob story with talent... Hello ratings!

I must say, though, this man was good. He was soulful, but received mixed ratings from the judges. Sass Jordan professed her love for Lunan, while Werner said, "At best, it's wedding singer" music. Lunan got his ticket to proceed to the next round.

The audition show moved around the country and landed in Alberta, where cowboy hats and country singing were at their finest — or at least they were supposed to be. The only thing worth noting from that province, besides the beef, is Franco Baccari. This guy was awesome. He was cool, had a great voice and sang from his heart. The judges, though, were less than impressed. He was gonged before reaching eight counts of music. They then had him escorted out by security when he tried to plead his case.

For whatever reason, these judges dig boring voices, look-a-likes and sucky people. At least they got it right when Aaron Biblow came out screeching like a raccoon caught in a trash compactor.

Three things were proven on opening night. One: the episode soundtrack totally ripped off The Hills soundtrack (yes, I watch the show and am damn proud of it). Two: people really need to stop trying to sing Whitney Houston songs. Her crack addiction doesn't lessen the calibre of her recordings, no matter how strung out she may be. Three: I'm more convinced than ever that something is wrong with season five winner Brian Melo's head. Why the hell is his hat still on?