Is Radiohead's In Rainbows The Single-Most Rock Critic Jizz-Worthy Album Ever?

Arguably, 15 million bloggers can't be wrong. But in this case we're betting they will be (note: we apply the exact same reasoning to Nickelback, but substitute "bloggers" for "pipe-fitters"). We downloaded and listened to Radiohead's seventh and newest album, In Rainbows. And frankly, we're going to stick with The Bends. Here are some song-by-song observations:

"15 Step"
Devout NME readers from the early '90s or first-generation rave casualties own both The Black Dog's Spanners and The Future Sound Of London's Dead Cities, so they'll recognize this as a mash-up of the two with Thom Yorke toasting over top. The jazz noodling, presumably from guitarist Jonny Greenwood, is alright. But the kids going "Yay!" could probably mess with some teenagers on acid.

"Bodysnatchers"
A fuzzed guitar lick and steady, hypnotic pulse land this firmly on planet Neu! "Bodysnatchers" is a fitting title considering the complete and utter lack of emotion until the song's second half. Swirly Edge-styled guitar tones morph into something buzzier by the conclusion.

"Nude"
And then there were strings. Imagine, if you will, Colin Greenwood (complete with soul patch and snappy beret) playing stand-up bass and Yorke in a cocktail dress oohing and snapping his fingers along.

"Weird Fishes/Arpeggi"
More of the drummy, jazzy and dreamy. Yorke's repeated howls of "weird fishes" may well be his most conventional chorus in four albums. The "Arpeggi" half is at least more insistent.

"All I Need"
Another slow, pulsing number. This one sounds like it could have been ripped from one of Alan Wilder's Recoil brainstorming sessions. But considering there are only 47 people in the world who tweak to a Wilder/Recoil reference, that's not exactly a glowing endorsement.

"Faust Arp"
Here come the random strings again. That poor guy from The Veils clearly couldn't afford to use strings on all of that great The Runaway Found album of his, but at least he used them wonderfully when he could. Whenever Radiohead want to add strings, they should just donate the studio time to Finn Andrews instead and save us the misuse. And Yorke sounds like he's freeform white rapping/scatting.

"Reckoner"
The first dynamic singing effort from Yorke. There's a light beat drifting purposelessly, waiting for Nellie Hooper to drop something more potent over top.

"House Of Cards"
If Sofia Coppola decided to do a romantic comedy, this is the song that would play during the second act montage where the protagonist is wandering around all sad in the rain, having just found out that his love interest has jetted off to Paris for a romantic weekend with an older, internationally renowned author.

"Jigsaw Falling Into Place"
This rare up-tempo burp gets buried at the end, which is a shame because it could have broken up the monotony of the gauzy first half.

"Videotape"
"When I'm at the pearly gates, this will be all on video tape." Really? Does God have security cameras? If so, why? Is it because there's no single person in the world who defines their personal "heaven" to be a gatekeeper, and therefore they've got nobody to fill the position? Surely there's some clean-living bouncer-type up there. And it sucks that the old G-man had to install remote cameras. Isn't that kind of low-rent for heaven? You'd think they'd have a bit more of a personal touch. At least this one gets you thinking.