Canadian Idol: Average Versions Of Standard Songs

Paul Anka, dubbed by host Ben Mulroney as "Canada's first idol," coached the finalists on pop standards on Monday night's show. It wasn't enough for some of them.

Carly Rae Jepsen started the night off with a heaping spoonful of cuteness with her rendition of "My Heart Belongs To Daddy." She was wearing a little red dress and more bling than any waitress from Mission, B.C. whom I've ever seen, and the song was perfect for the lovely breathless quality of her voice.

"This is really you," said judge Farley Flex. "I think that's the best performance you've given on this show so far," added fellow judge Sass Jordan.

Next up was Alberta's Jaydee Bixby, and cue the little girls' screaming. Anka gave him some quick advice on singing Elvis Presley's version of "Fever" before he took the stage. "Think sexy and focused," the veteran crooner said.

What Bixby offered up was truly cringe-worthy. His robotic stage movements and laid-back singing style were a complete mismatch for the song, and it just didn't work. While the kid is undeniably charismatic and good-looking, "sexy" is definitely not the word that comes to mind with him. And maybe it's a good thing, considering that the bulk of his fans seem to be under the age of 12.

"You look like you're riding a horse of a different colour," said pinstripe suit #1 (Flex).

"Not convincing," added pinstripe suit #2 (judge Jake Gold).

But what does it matter that this is a singing competition as long as Bixby's oh-so-dreamy, right?

That sentiment was echoed by judge Zack Werner, who said, "If I could take your face and cash it for a cheque, I would make like, a million dollars, man." And if I could cash in on your snappy one-liners, Zack, I'd make like, two dollars.

Brian Melo was next with "Mack The Knife." Girls were screaming and the judges were gushing, but I didn't get it. His performance was as generic as his outfit, if you ask me.

And when Werner made reference to Bertolt Brecht, Melo asked, "Who's that?"

"Uh, that would be the dude who wrote the song, brother," Werner said with a sigh.

He didn't know who wrote the song. That should be cause for elimination right there. Hello Canada. Do you hear me?

Finally, we had Dwight D'Eon singing "I Get A Kick Out Of You." In conferring with Anka, the aging star said, somewhat unsure, "I think he's gonna be fine" — almost as if he was trying to convince himself.

D'Eon delivered exactly what was expected: a really uncomfortable, uninspiring performance. He looked so uneasy on stage singing that song that, at the end of it, he looked just as glad as the rest of us that it was over.

"You came out like you had a 40-pound bag of flour on your shoulders," said Flex. "Just relax."

Since there was so much fun with the standards the first time around, they did it all over again with the contestants' second set of songs.

Jepsen returned with an emotional "I've Got It Bad And That Ain't Good." With her black dress, red lips and soulful voice, she had the whole '50s glamour girl/suicidal starlet thing in the bag.

"It was like watching someone in a film," remarked Jordan. "I think you must've gone through something like that, because that's how much I believed you."

"While others may have sung that song throughout the years maybe an iota better, no one was more a star in that moment than you," raved Werner. "That was killer. Adorable."

And then Bixby was back, and boy was he! Sensing the need to redeem himself after his earlier train wreck, Bixby seemed much more comfortable with Louis Prima's "When You're Smiling." While delivering the trademark Bixby charm and smile, he even danced a little — and I didn't bust a gut laughing.

"Good job. I was impressed by that," said Gold after some thought. Seriously, Jake. If you can't come up with anything amusing, or at least somewhat creative, at least make like Paula Abdul and hire a joke writer.

Coming back for his second round of boringness, Melo covered Michael Buble's cover of "Feeling Good." What's with this guy? First it was Radiohead's "Karma Police," and now it's "Feeling Good." Why must Melo choose the best songs to butcher? Well, at least you've got to give the guy credit for having good taste in music, I guess.

Underwhelming was the word that came to mind after his performance. But, as usual, the judges didn't agree with me.

"Are you charging for real estate for this thing, 'cause you own it," exclaimed Jordan."

I see somebody very comfortably winning the Idol crown right now, and he's wearing a hat," added Werner.

Chelsea Korka performed the same song on Search For The Next Pussycat Doll and, if you ask me, she did a far better job with it than Melo did. What does that say, Canada? What does it say when a Pussycat Dolls reject sings better than a potential Canadian Idol? Nothing good, that's for sure.

Finishing off the night, and probably his time as a Canadian Idol finalist, was D'Eon singing "Unforgettable," which was originally made famous by Nat King Cole. It was forgettable, and the judges thought so, too.

"I just don't know if you'll be here next week," said Gold.

If you ask me, he won't.