Canadian Idol Update: Mila Miller's Fate Is Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Mila Miller was sent packing from Canadian Idol after the first individual elimination of the season on Wednesday evening.

But we'll get to that unpleasantness later. First: pomp, circumstance and boner juice.

Admittedly, I rather enjoy Canadian Idol's group numbers. The cheese factor is absurdly high, but there's something so endearingly retro about them. It's all very Lawrence Welk. Unfortunately, the first group number of the season included Nickelback's "Far Away" (sung by the guys) and Avril Lavigne's "Keep Holding On" (sung by the girls). What is it that the judges are always saying about song choice being so important?

Oh, Canadian Idol. Sometimes I think you want to fail.

Martha Joy's solo also elicited more cheers than I was comfortable with.

The moment that everyone seemed to be waiting for wasn't the elimination, but the live performance of a genetically gifted 19 year old: Rihanna.

"Umbrella"-ella-ella drives me b-a-n-a-n-a-s. But the kids seem to like it. And although I'm a thoroughly heterosexual woman, I can admit that Rihanna is an insanely smoking hot glamazon. (If I was Beyonce, I'd be obsessively checking Jay-Z's shirt collars for coral lipstick.)

After Rihanna's performance, host Ben Mulroney presented her with a platinum record for her Canadian sales. She pretended to be impressed.

Idol viewers then got a sneak preview of pretty, ringletted Kalan Porter's new music video, wherein he wanders heartbroken in the rain, clutching a wilted bouquet of roses. (Somebody's been taking careful notes while watching old John Cusack movies.) Porter's new record comes out on Aug. 28. We're not entirely sure when Porter is coming out.

Elimination time rolls around. Tara Oram and Dwight D'Eon are both safe. Joy and Jaydee Bixby? Also safe. Then Mulroney announced that Khalila Glanville, Carly Rae Jepsen and Miller were all in the bottom three.

Being there was old hat for Miller and Glanville, but who would have thought that Jepsen would be relegated there this early in the competition? Perhaps her uber-cuteness is wearing thin for some.

When asked whom he'd like to see stick around next week, judge Zack Werner replied without a moment of hesitation, "Carly Rae should be here all the way."

Canadians apparently agreed with Werner. Jepsen was declared safe, as was Glanville. Despite being an incredible talent with a huge amount of sass and unbelievable self-awareness for her years, Miller was eliminated.

An emotional Miller sang her way out with an impressive version of "Signed, Sealed, Delivered." If she had nailed it like this on Tuesday night, she'd probably still be along for the ride.

Next week: Songs of the '60s.