Canadian Idol Update: More Than Just Karaoke Nonsense?

Canadian Idol's top nine girls put more thought into their shoe choices than their song choices (at least if the semi-vicious criticism of the judging panel was any indication) on Tuesday evening.

Martha Joy opened the show with Josh Groban's "To Where You Are." A couple of sustained, golden notes during the performance didn't make up for her shaky, out-of-tune start and fairly generic delivery.

"I just don't get any emotion out of you," said judge Jake Gold. "If you don't start showing some personality, it's going to affect you."

Tara Oram (clad in the same cowboy boots from last week, maybe she's going to make them her "thing") sang Michelle Wright's "Safe In The Arms Of Love" with warmth and professional ease. However, she's painting herself into a traditional country music corner and perhaps alienating a swath of voters in the process. Oram would do well to dive into a pop song next week. It worked wonders for Shania Twain.

"Vocally, it was Carrie Underwhelming," grumped judge Zack Werner.

Naomi-Joy Blackhall tested the waters by doing a sultry jazz siren lounge thing with Dido's "Here With Me". It was a far cry from last week's Whitesnake, to be sure. She hit one particularly off note. The rest of the notes weren't great, either. I now understand what the judges were criticizing last week when I was too distracted by her righteous metal goddessness.

"You look gorgeous," said judge Sass Jordan, ever the supportive soccer mom, offering the losing team words of encouragement from the sidelines.

"In the last two weeks, you've proven that you just don't sing that well," said Werner, crushing the girl's dreams in a single breath.

Question: is there anyone on the planet more adorable than Carly Rae Jepsen? She sang Sarah Slean's stunning "Sweet Ones" with gusto and charm while wearing the cutest little mod miniskirt and dancing the cutest little pole dance with her microphone stand. Jepsen can basically do no wrong in my eyes. She's so cute and talented and authentic and sweet and nice.

"You're the girl to beat," said judge Farley Flex. My thoughts exactly.

Scarlett Burke's selection of "Proud Mary" was her undoing. It's difficult not to compare any performance of the song to Tina Turner. No one does it better. No one comes close. Burke's performance was uniformly lacklustre and fell completely flat.

"I just don't know what to say," said Gold. "I've seen way better performances in any bar walking down Queen Street."

After last week's kick-ass performance, what could Montana Martin Iles possibly do for an encore? Her great entrance was a start and her performance of Fall Out Boy's "Thanks For The Memories" oozed sexuality, aggression and even a touch of sweetness. There were shades of Bjork in her voice. The girl is riveting. It's impossible to take your eyes off of her, even for a moment.

"The thing that was great about that performance was your performance," said Jordan. "You're a feisty little bugger, Montana, and I love that about you."

"Aside from being the Lukas Rossi look-alike contest winner, that was really cool," said Werner, totally stealing the Pete Doherty joke I had written in a previous update. Hmmph.

Mila Miller's rendition of Otis Redding's incredible "Try A Little Tenderness" was show-stopping when she eventually hit her stride. The Tina Turner goodness that was so lacking in Burke's performance was present in Miller's. She's charming, self-aware and absolutely fabulous.

"There were some moments that were just crystal pure groovy... you are a completely undefeatable star," commended Werner.

"That was a killer of a thriller with the Mila Miller," rhymed Flex.

Annika Odegard took on Joss Stone's "Super Duper Love" and kicked her performance up a notch or two from last week, proving that she really wants to stick around. Unfortunately, her lack of experience thwarted her tremendous effort.

"I think that sometimes when the four of us sit down and vote for the top 22, we make mistakes... to me that was an immature, uncool, not good performance in any way shape or form... awful," said Werner, who's not one to hold back.

"That recipe there takes about three cups of soul, and I think you're in the teaspoon category with that," said Flex.

Khalila Glanville bore the brunt of the judges' fury. Although her version of The Four Tops' "I Can't Help Myself" was energetic and entertaining, the panel was unimpressed.

"I thought you were out of tune a lot of the time," said Gold.

"Fantastic shoes," said Flex. "I gotta give you props on the shoes."

"I think you look unbelievably like a star on camera, but I am absolutely begging everyone who is a contestant on this show — sing songs that matter," spewed Werner. "No disrespect to The Four Tops, but you're dragging this down into some karaoke nonsense."

While the audience cringed and cowered and wept a wee bit, Werner went on to call Glanville's song choice "radically irrelevant."

Hold on now. What is Canadian Idol about? Are we intent on changing the world here? Isn't this show simply about making people happy? Isn't it about entertaining children and teens and grannies across Canada and hopefully selling a few records in the end? If Canadian Idol is a relevant thing, then these updates are authentic journalism.