Holiday Beer Guide

Toronto's 11th annual Festival Of Beer was held at Fort York in August, and more than 200 brews were available to sample. ChartAttack beerhounds Aaron Brophy and Steve McLean were on hand to partake and, out of the goodness of their hearts, they're sharing their thoughts on some of the beers they tasted. Since the holiday party season is upon us, and prime components of most successful celebrations involve beer and music, here are their recommendations for the appropriate music to accompany the following quaffs:

Better Bitters Nickel Brook Ale
Burlington's Better Bitters is one of Ontario's newest microbreweries, and this rich amber-coloured brew seems like its trying to be an ale version of Creemore Springs Premium Lager. It's a bit light for an ale, without a lot of hoppiness, which gives it the same qualities as Julie Doiron. (SM)

Better Bitters Nickel Brook Green Apple Pilsener
This German recipe blends pilsener and fresh apple cider to come up with a straw-coloured tipple with a rich and fruity bouquet. Women and young guys who aren't big beer drinkers will enjoy this, sort of making them fans of Apples In Stereo. (SM)

Better Bitters Nickel Brook Lager
This light amber-coloured lager uses European hops and malt and, except for the hops, it's all organic. That means hippies will like it, just like they enjoy Trey Anastasio. (SM)

Better Bitters Nickel Brook Light
I don't usually go near light beers, but this was a new one for me and it was free, so what the hell. It uses all pilsener malts and is much paler than the lager, but has more flavour than most light beers. Since I've admitted to trying a light beer, I might as well offer another confession and let you know that I really enjoy Right Said Fred's "You're My Mate." (SM)

Camerons Cream Ale
The Camerons nine-pack is a masterstroke for its perfect bring-to-house-party size. This ale is another fine utilitarian product in much the same way. It's like how that good Editors record makes up for a bad second Interpol album. (AB)

Camerons Dark Lager
There's Joy Division, then there's good Interpol, then there's good Editors/bad Interpol, then there's She Wants Revenge. Cameron House Dark is She Wants Revenge. Sorry. (AB)

Golden Horseshoe beer-flavoured ice cream
My comely tasting companion swore that it tasted "all beer." I, on the other hand, could sense only the vaguest bitter bite to the vanilla ice cream. Ultimately, though, the idea doesn't make sense and shouldn't exist. That makes it The Mars Volta. (AB)

Great Lakes Brewery Black Jack Black Lager
The two blacks in the name was no accident. Coal-dark, the intimidating look actually yielded a relatively inoffensive touch-of-cola taste. For the faux-gloom, we'll call it HIM. (AB)

Heritage Dark Lager
This brew is dark amber verging on copper, and is slightly nutty and malty. You can enjoy this while listening to Bowling For Soup. (SM)

Heritage Premium Lager
This pale gold beverage is hoppier than your average pedestrian lager, but is still easy drinking and has a pleasing finish, which makes it more palatable than those All-American Rejects. (SM)

Innis & Gunn
This cost two tokens for a sample, so expectations were high. Thankfully, I&G passed with flying colours, and was definitely my beer of the night. There's a sweet, lasting flavour, but it's got depth and character, too. It's like The Dears. (AB)

Lakeport Brava
I got this one to wash the Major Misconduct's taste from my palate (see below). It didn't work. Thus, the Goo Goo Dolls. (AB)

The Logger
They billed themselves as "Niagara's best lager," which set off the warning bells big-time, but it was ultimately an amiable, pleasant-tasting experience. Perhaps something sweet can come from there, like City And Colour. (AB)

Magnota Brewery True North Cream Ale
It has some colour to it, and a hint of pastry. The flavour dissipated quickly though, kinda like Nina from The Cardigans' A Camp solo thingy. (AB)

Mike's Hard Frozen Lemonade
Y'know how sometimes you just want to disconnect your critical faculties? This is one of those times. Black Eyed Peas. (AB)

Muskoka Hefe Weissbier
This all-organic hefeweizen is crisper than most beers of this style, but it has an enjoyable banana element like some of them. Somewhat fruity, and with a creamy white head, I'd recommend this to a Hidden Cameras fan. (SM)

Scotch Irish Brewing Company's Gingers Ale
This is a light, cask-conditioned pale ale flavoured with Asian ginger root, and is more like gingerbread than a normally tangy ginger beer. It's quite nice, and has five per cent more alcohol than Canada Dry. Ginger looked pretty hot on Gilligan's Island, and Uranus do an excellent version of the "Gilligan's Island Theme," so there you go. (SM)

Scotch Irish Brewing Company's Major Misconduct
There was lots of promise in the marketing here. The label featured the gnarly image of a hockey fighter and the description foreshadowed a strong hop. Strong it was — like Brian "Spinner" Spencer/John Kordic strong. It's the sort of strong you back away from slowly, kinda like taking your pregnant girlfriend into the circle pit at a Korn concert. (AB)

Scotch Irish Brewing Company's Tsarina Katarina Imperial Stout
This is a robust, full-bodied brew with hints of chocolate, raisin and anise. Very dark in colour, somewhat crisp and tangy, and with a surprisingly nice finish for a nine per cent beer, it had me singing Boney M.'s "Rasputin" to myself. (SM)

Scotch Irish Brewing Company's Vanilla Bean Porter
This original pint glass-filler has a lovely aroma and a brilliant mix of vanilla and coffee flavours. The brewery only made 100 litres of it, but I suggest that it does more. Since I just can't get enough, I'd have to liken this to Depeche Mode. (SM)

Slavutich
The fellow trying to teach me how to pronounce "slavutich" may have been a bit brusque, but the "Ukrainian premium" brand was simple, a bit sweet and passable. Uh, let's say Delerium. (AB)

Trafalgar Critical Mass
Though brewed in Oakville, Ontario, this 14-per cent alcohol libation exhibits the qualities of a Belgian strong ale. It's dark and sweet, and its complex aroma evokes cherries, plums, pepper and alcohol. A couple of these can put you to sleep, but with a smile on your face, just like Mazzy Star. (SM)

Trafalgar Korruptor
This dark amber-coloured brew is slightly sweet, definitely strong, but not to an offensive degree. This is surprisingly easy to drink for a 15 per cent beer, but I can also enjoy Motorhead while they're clobbering my skull. (SM)

Trafalgar Raspberry Mead
This was one of those times where a warm recollection of reading all those Mighty Thor comics as a kid led me astray. Raspberry mead isn't actually good. It's a mean, sour, bitter product. The Vikings were wrong. Let's call them The Hives and move on. (AB)

Upper Canada Lager
It's pretty light, a little bit corny, but ultimately pointless. Jordy Birch, grab your solo album from the used store delete bin (for a quarter?) and come on down. (AB)

Warsteiner
There was a big lineup to get at this lightly coloured, slightly husky brew. The payoff failed to match the anticipation, though, making this the Prince of beers. (AB)

Wellington Trailhead Lager
It's from Guelph and it's also a clear, golden and unpretentious beer. The problem is, it's also not too big on flavour or charisma. Let's say it's like Danny Michel. (AB)