Canadian Idol: Tony Bennett Shows How It's Done

Kids these days: if they're not lol-ing at the latest Shirley Temple talkie, they're shopping for zoot suits and listening to those damn Fred Astaire ringtones.

No wonder Canadian Idol decided to kick it old school on Monday night, calling in revered old guy Tony Bennett to teach the competition's three remaining gents and flappers how to handle the standards.

Dressed in Chiquita banana yellow and looking like a modern day Dick Tracy, judge Farley Flex reminded the performers that they were singing songs that everybody and their grandma knows — or at least that everybody's grandma knows. Translation: you can shit all over Train's Greatest Hit, but don't screw up the classics, you little brats.

As if that wasn't enough pressure pushing down on them, my TI-85 tells me that the three remaining contestants faced a 33.333333 (and a gang of other threes) per cent chance of receiving the boot. Needless to say, there wasn't a dry seat in the house as the singers took the stage.

Craig Sharpe seemed particularly frazzled. Launching into "The Way You Look Tonight," the singer evoked images of the way that Vanilla Ice looked the night that he bumped into Suge Knight on a balcony. (Note: the previous sentence in no way suggests Knight's complicity in roughing up any punk-ass white boys. The ChartAttack staff — particularly its resident punk-ass white boys — remains convinced of the Death Row co-founder's innocence. Please, Mr. Knight, don't kill us.)

Sharpe looked smooth in his white suit and also seemed natural on stage, clearly benefiting from a song that didn't demand any fancy Hammer Time footwork. Unfortunately, his voice was a little off and his stage presence was far from engaging.

Judge Jake Gold noted the singer's nervousness, saying, "I just didn't feel like you got into the song."

Meanwhile, frustrated judge Zack Werner offered his usual Sharpe suggestion: "Be a star, dude."

In other words, be Eva Avila. After hearing the lone female contestant sing, Bennett declared, "You sing very much in tune, you look beautiful and you sound wonderful. If I were going to be the judge, I would give you a 10."

Sure enough, Avila's versatile and confident rendition of "God Bless The Child" earned a standing ovation from Flex, who gushed over the singer's creative phrasing.

Tyler Lewis also showed serious star quality with his fun, flirtatious take on "Just A Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody," proving once again that his broad-stroked performance choices work well when divorced from his typically safe and clunky Creedleback selections. While Werner wasn't blown away by Lewis' vocal performance, he couldn't deny the singer's sweet, savoury ass. "You may have just won Canada's Next Top Model," he admitted.

Following Avila and Lewis' excellent opening performances, the pressure was really on for Sharpe's second song, "Danny Boy." Luckily, despite a shaky start, Sharpe squeezed in a solid money note, prompting judge Sass Jordan to describe his understated act as an "unbelievably lovely performance."

Of course, leave it to Avila to take it to the next level and deliver slinky scats on "They Can't Take That Away From Me." At this point, Avila almost seems bored with all of the positive reinforcement, and often adopts a pained, possibly annoyed, expression as the judges tell her she's a better singer than Jesus, Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa combined.

"I'm going to let the audience vote for me," Flex said as the crowd exploded with enthusiasm.

Werner, on the other hand, chose to let the audience boo him by offering a criticism that, sure enough, was unintelligible below all of the boos. Luckily, the crowd soon got back to what they do best, clapping and drooling as Lewis launched into "It Had To Be You."

Once again, the showman displayed an ear-to-ear charm and confidence, leading Gold to note that, despite all the "Tyler Rocks" posters (not to mention the ones reading "Tyler Has Me Hard As A Rock"), the increasingly engaging singer swings as well.

Now that we've covered Monday night's performances, let's get down to the predictions. Tuesday night will be 21 degrees and 69 per cent humidity, with a 100 per cent chance of Sharpe getting the boot. You heard it here first: the boy's about to fall like rain (yes, there will also be scattered showers).

With that said, I'll see you on Wednesday to gloat about predicting correctly for the second week in a row.