Canadian Idol: The '80s Bring Out The Best In Some, But Not Others

Tired of continually getting their asses handed to them Mortal Kombat-style in the ratings, CBC called in a noise complaint prior to last Monday's live taping of CTV's #1 hit, Canadian Idol.

Firstly, don't hate the player, CBC, hate the game. And second, if you want more viewers, you need to start giving us more "Bad Medicine" covers.

This past Monday night's insanely special '80s-themed episode of Canadian Idol found the eight remaining contestants dolling up and doling out takes on Bette Midler, Billy Idol and Bon Jovi hits. Following the performances, host Ben Mulroney — a dude who admitted prior to the show that he spent the '80s going to Wham! concerts and styling his rat-tail — proclaimed, "We saw, without a doubt, the best show this stage has ever seen."

Mulroney attributed the success to Cyndi Lauper, who coached the Idols and watched the taping with her elementary school-aged son, who just so happens to be the most bad-ass motherfucker that side of puberty. Proof: the guy spent the whole show in shades and a hoodie, ice-grilling the camera while making peace signs in the air. Lauper proved that she knows how to raise a cool kid and she also knows how to raise the quality level of the Idols' performances — time after time.

When Brandon Jones stepped on stage all Goo Goo Doll-ed-up with starched Johnny Rzeznik hair and more makeup than a trashy teen mom, it seemed certain that some mascara would be a-runnin' following his performance. But Jones actually offered a pretty decent take on Bon Jovi's "I'll Be There For You," a tune with less fuck-up potential than some of the singer's earlier choices.

"Without a doubt," said judge Jake Gold, "the best performance you've done on the show."

Purrty-voiced Craig Sharpe did even better, tearing through Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings" like it was going out of style (if only we were so lucky).

"When you make a record," judge Sass Jordan advised, "you should do that song as a cover because you absolutely owned it."

Though Gold agreed with Jordan, he said that he was also anxious to hear Sharpe make some different song choices, like Rob James has.

After establishing himself as a boot-knockingly smooth R&B singer, James has lately tried to lay his pipes in more rocky terrain. Unfortunately, the singer failed to really assert himself vocally during the opening of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name." By the gut-kicking chorus, though, James started really emoting — sparking across-the-board praise.

But the compliments were nothing compared to the ass-kissing that followed Steffi Didomenicantonio's take on Talk Talk's "It's My Life." Rocking puffy '80s hair, a puffy skirt and sparkling-champagne gold high-heel boots, D gave a good performance. But her ending, which involved jumping off a chair and landing Spider-Man-style on the stage, was phenomenal.

Following the final money note, judge Zack Werner predicted, "You can write this down, you can take it to the bank: Steffi D will be the most famous person ever associated with this show."

In contrast, Chad Doucette and Eva Avila were pretty forgettable. Covering INXS' "Never Tear Us Apart," The Douce gave what Werner called "a pretty icky vocal performance." Avila's vocals, on the other hand, were reasonably controlled during her cover of Idol's "White Wedding." But like fellow R&B crooner James, Avila never quite manages to sink her teeth into the rock numbers.

Tyler Lewis, on the other hand, has been gum deep in big cheesy nu-country-metal-grunge since the get-go, and his confidence was evident as he delivered a solid take on Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again." Still, Gold said that Lewis — like Sharpe — needs to branch out a little.

Ashley Coulter has consistently branched out lately, picking interesting songs and outfits, and proving herself to be a consistent, polished performer. This week, Coulter took to the stage with bleached blond hair and Catwoman pants, looking like some porn star superhero and delivering an excellent version of The Bangles' "Eternal Flame."

Werner, still in a betting mood, said, "There is a real good chance you could be the next Canadian Idol."

Gold closed the episode by saying, "On a night of fantastic performances by everybody, you were the best."