Canadian Idol: The Men Stumble A Bit

After a slew of excellent performances last week, Canadian Idol's nine remaining gents dropped the ball a bit during Monday night's episode.

The husky Greg Neufeld delivered an admirably restrained version of Elton John's "Rocket Man," saving some vocal fireworks for the end. But as judge Jake Gold pointed out, Neufeld's song choice definitely revealed his limitations. What's more, the singer kept sending these creepy fuck-me glances in the camera's direction. Either Neufeld wanted to screw the camera guy, or he wanted to screw the viewers, which is kind of dirty considering the show's immense popularity.

In contrast, Tyler Lewis' uninspired new Nashville take on Ozzy Osbourne's "Mama, I'm Coming Home" came on like a health class abstinence video.

"If that's a rock 'n' roll performance that you just did," judge Zack Werner said, "then you ain't no rocker at all."

As a modern country song, however, Werner granted that it was "passable." When judge Farley Flex said that he didn't remember the performer saying he wanted to be a rocker, Werner responded that he wanted Lewis "to be in key at least."

As tensions rose, Chris Labelle took the stage to raise everyone's spirits as well. While singing Garth Brooks' "We Shall Be Free," Labelle stole the judges' hearts with his Carrot Top karaoke, employing his standard hunched-over-marching moves, pulling off his white cowboy hat to reveal a patriotic red mohawk and throwing a load of Monopoly money in the air.

An amused Flex said, "You're the smoke and mirrors guy," and Gold added, "You're not the best singer in this competition, but right now you're the only one showing you want to win this thing."

Sixteen-year-old Craig Sharpe, on the other hand, is probably the best male singer. Rocking an Ellen DeGeneres haircut and outfit, Sharpe reminded us all why we carry pictures of Justin Timberlake's abs in our wallets by ripping through a near perfect version of *NSYNC's "This I Promise You." Always one to leave her lip marks on the seats of young singers' pants, judge Sass Jordan enthused, "Your voice is astonishing."

Unfortunately, Sheldon Elter's take on Van Morrison's "Moondance" was slightly less impressive. Elter has a decent voice and more undeniable charm than a puppy in a sailor's outfit, but his choppy stage movements belong in a nasally Def Comedy Jam impersonation of geeky white people. Jordan employed the word "sultry" and Flex commended Elter's song choice, but Werner noted, "Unless you're some sort of crooner dude, that was real lounge for me and I don't get what you're all about."

Chad Doucette seems to be suffering from a similar identity crisis. After delivering a sincere and effective performance the previous week, Doucette sang The Drifters' "Save The Last Dance" with Wayne Newton's tongue implanted in his cheek.

"That was a plate full of all the cheeses I've ever seen in my life," Flex said, "but you pulled it off."

A slightly more reluctant Werner said, "I guess I gave Chris Labelle props for being an entertainer, so I've got to let it go as far as you're concerned. But I think it's time for Tiny Talent Time to go away and let's start singing some real songs."

Rob James' disappointing rendition of Bryan Adams' "Heaven" seemed to whine, "But I like Tiny Talent Time!" James sang with conviction, but just didn't seem to have control of his voice. Flex noted that the performer often seems nervous and Werner questioned whether his vocal shortcomings were a result of nerves or a lack of talent. Gold and Jordan, on the other hand, said that they found his understated demeanor charming.

Brandon Jones, a mediocre singer who has advanced this far on his Isaac Hanson looks alone, added some hip-hop sign language to his flat version of Queen's "Somebody To Love" and received mixed reviews. While Flex complimented the performer's hand gestures and Jordan got all Demi Moore on the 16-year-old, Gold delivered a verbal pimp slap, saying, "Honestly, I thought that was pathetic. It was absolutely atrocious."

Thankfully, Keith Macpherson ended the night right with a sincere and convincing take on Vertical Horizon's "Best I Ever Had," which prompted Gold to say, "That again, like last week, was perfect. That's what you are."

Werner agreed, but had one request as the episode closed: "Could one of you rock next week?"