There's No Crying In Baseball, But There Is On Canadian Idol

At the start of Tuesday night's second Canadian Idol episode, 44 performers stood on the stage.

But after an hour of performances and an equal number of smiling mouths and quivering, snot-coated upper lips, only 22 remained. The others returned home to practise picking people up by saying, "I was once on Canadian Idol," a fate almost as degrading as staying on the show to sing a capella Extreme songs in front of the whole country.

Of course, on Canadian Idol, everyone's a winner — even the stupid, pathetic losers. Still, there's only one "winner" winner, and Tuesday night's second show presented many who just might take that prize.

Jeremy Koz seems to stand a strong chance. Sure, during his over-the-top "Somebody To Love" rendition, he occasionally sounded like the Cookie Monster, but the judges included him in the top 22 and Sass Jordan even went so far as to say, "If I was in this competition and I came out on this stage, that is what I would hope to do."

Another good bet seemed to be Phil King, whose small stature and large pipes make him the perfect everyman to melt our freezer-burnt Canadian hearts. Unfortunately, after making the top 22, King withdrew from the competition due to what was cited as family responsibilities. Hopefully, all is well with King and we'll see him again next year.

That brings us to the competition's Seabiscuit, Chris Labelle. The likeable Labelle, who shaved the top of his head following a bleaching incident prior to his first audition, has made it from round to round by the skin of his teeth.

In his first Toronto solo performance, Labelle compensated for his mediocre singing ability and awkward Ali G hand movements by grabbing imaginary audience members' hands at the edge of the stage and affecting a zany strut for the chorus of "Walking In Memphis."

Following another performance, the charismatic competitor hid behind a curtain, sobbing as he protested, "I'm tough" and "I'm strong."

Meanwhile, in an attempt to boost ratings, host Ben Mulroney most likely egged him on by standing behind the camera and whispering, "No, you're a little bitch."

The whole thing was kind of awkward and, frankly, some of us breathed a slight sigh of relief when Labelle and all his terrifying "emotions" got canned in the final round. However, with King's withdrawal, Labelle received a second chance.

After all this zany wackiness and nutty tomfoolery, 11 lads and 11 ladies remain. The fate of this diverse group — which includes grocery store clerks, construction workers, waiters, students, "musicians," actors, a music teacher, a house framer, an auto detailer and a postal clerk — is now in Canada's hands. People complain that young'uns aren't politically aware, that they don't take an active role in choosing the leaders of our country... and pop and R&B. Let's prove them wrong.

Vote or die, kids. Vote or die! (Note: The last sentence was in no way a threat to anyone's life.)