32 Hours Of Mockery

09/20/01 3:00pm

by Aaron Brophy (CHARTattack)

Music industry folk are known as a jaded, callous lot, always ready with a catty comment or cruel aside. It's not even about being mean most of the time, it's more like a coping mechanism used to deal with the reams of poo being hurled at their ears every day. It was that spirit that we here in the ChartAttack office harnessed in the last day-and-a-half as we schemed to create scenes on TV, snickered at record store people and wished horrible fates upon our enemies. Observe below, ChartAttack's 32 Hours Of Mockery:

* Sense Field: Everything started out great when this California band visited our offices on Tuesday. They seemed like cool cats and we suspect their drummer and our reviews editor had a little bit of spark action going on. Right after our visit the band were heading over to the U8TV/Lofters studio to do an interview with either Sandy or Tre so we made a point of giving the band inside tips on how to exploit the U8TVers. For Sandy, who we'd derisively refer to as "the virgin," we suggested a good session of flirting. If the interview was to be with Tre, they'd engage him in a discussion of hair care products... and the whole time The Lofters would be none the wiser about our insidious plan.

As it turns out, Sense Field actually have a song called "Save Yourself," a solidly emo song which could be hailed as a battle cry for those who were, um, saving themselves. So when Sense Field went to U8TV they serenaded Sandy with a version of the song and later, at an industry showcase performance, they once again dedicated the song to her. All our best laid plans were foiled by Sense Field's earnest intent. Fie on them!

* Sony Fall Preview: Over at the Sony Canada building on Wednesday it was time for them to put on a preview of upcoming fall record releases for selected retail and press folks. Hep cats generally find these type of events horrifying, but there's some occasional moments of valuable info to be gleaned so it ain't all bad. With that said, we can't help but wonder if we had been reading things wrong on the video screen display when it said that Barbra Streisand would be doing a Christmas song. Who else can catch what seems wrong in that one? We also got to hear a snippet of the Destiny's Child Christmas album. That in itself wasn't funny. What was funny was the old dude in front of me bopping his head and pointing at people across the room giving them that "gotcha"-wink-point-head-nod gesture as if to say "Yeah, [guy I'm pointing to], you're single-handedly responsible for the genius idea of getting Beyonce to record 'Twelve Days Of Christmas.'" Retard. Another bonus was a special live performance by Project Wyze. Their energy was noble. On an unrelated note, stage coaches may want to refrain from advocating breathing heavily directly into microphones between songs "to convey intensity." Just a suggestion.

* Kittie Album Listening Party: If they look like they should be in the band, they're not in the band. That was sage advise indeed as we sauntered into a Kittie party later that night where the band were playing their new album Oracle for contest winners and selected media and industry folks. The Kittie girls were cool as could be, dressed more indie rock than death metal. Their fans, however, were decked out in an assortment of latex, spikes and shades of black that would make Marilyn Manson fire his personal stylist for lack of vision. El Mocambo booker Dan Burke was there and looking more distracted than usual. That probably has something to do with the new owners of the El Mocambo wanting to convert the upstairs of the venue into a dance studio. We're certain a Save The 'Stairs campaign will begin shortly.

* Sigur Ros @ Massey Hall: For the last stop of the evening, we ChartAttackers couldn't help but think that one well-placed and well-timed structural building collapse could single-handedly wipe out 75 per cent of the disgruntled music snobs who bombard us with their erratically self-righteous letters each month. We're not going to say who in the audience was yawning approximately once every three minutes, but we will give you a hint: It starts with the letter "M" and ends with the letter "E." The band's live rendition of "Svefn-G-Englar" was solid and their closing noise-jam ruled too, but one couldn't help but wonder if the ambulance that zoomed past Massey Hall just as the show finished was simply circling the venue in case some indie kid started choking on their own raincoatedly strokeworthy hyperbole.

So there you go. You know where the feedback button is.