Sum 41's: No Laminate Equals No Free Booze

When the laminates for Sum 41's All Killer, No Filler CD release party arrived in the Chart office we all took notice of one thing, "No Laminate Equals No Free Booze."

It was a sentence that warmed the cockles of our hearts seeing how Bizzy D (9mm Mullet), Cone (Masterbasser), Dave Brownsound (Public Enemy #1) and Stevo 32 (Ludvig Von Beatoffhoven) throw some of the booziest parties we've ever attended. And there's always scantily clad women!

With that Capt. White Bread, M&M, Punk Rawk Grandpa, Suburban Punk Grrl and Lil' Miss Jerk ensured that they made drunken assholes of themselves at the Zen Lounge Saturday night. While the ChartAttack drinking posse took it easy during the day — working out their drinking arms — Sum 41 had a busy day of activities, including making an afternoon appearance at MuchMusic that had fans lined up at noon. This was four hours before their scheduled appearance!

Later that evening their all-ages gig at the El Mocambo was packed with fat pant punk kids clamoring to get a "I was there when..." view before they have to stand in a field taking in the band's festival performances.

As Shiny McShinehead pointed out, "Didn't these guys open for Serial Joe, like, eight months ago?" It should also be noted that the band was on their only day off the next day. As many people know, they only tour Canada as a vacation.

They head back out to tour with Blink-182 and then on the Vans Warped. If time permits there'll be possibly some dates at the end of August in Canada.

Meanwhile back at the Zen Lounge, M&M was making himself comfy with triple shots of Vodka and orange. The lone bartender was kept mucho busy as the VIP room was crowded with people aching to use their laminates for pure drunken mayhem. Early in the evening Lil' Miss Jerk downed several Jagermeisters at the bar while claiming to be bringing the rest of the drinks in her hand "to a friend."

While we only spotted one celeb in the crowd, Greig "Dad" Nori, remarked to M&M that he thought one gonzo journalist was banned from all events. We disputed that claim, and helped ourselves to more booze. Sadly, that didn't make the cougars in the crowd any more attractive.

While Sum 41 attract a large following of hot young women, we couldn't figure out why these "moms" were there and not their daughters. Of course, that's what happens when you're not paying to have beautiful women present like at their Half Hour Of Power CD release shindig, that was held at strip joint.

As the VIP bar became increasingly packed with people queuing up for more free booze, Parkside Mike handed Capt. White Bread and M&M booze tickets so we didn't have to stand in line. "Oh ya, baby!" we exclaimed. Not having to line-up for a half-hour allowed us to power drink like the pros that we are.

Things became really blurry when Parkside offered to buy us Jagermeister shooters on the company account. We'd like to provide this note to his boss Donald "Diamond" K. Donald: That napkin he's handing in as a receipt is indeed from the party and should be considered a valuable piece of Canuck rock 'n' roll lore.

Everything went to hell at this point as Shiny McShinehead sprayed FREE beer all over M&M who responded with a beer bombing of his own. Thankfully, the two left the scene before they were escorted down the stairs by the bouncers.

Sum 41 tour dates:
May 25 Seattle, WA @ Graceland
May 26 Portland, OR @ Oaks Park
May 27 Pontiac, MI @ Phoenix Plaza Amph.
May 28 Washington, DC @ RFK Stadium
May 30 Poughkeepsie, NY @ The Chance
May 31 Scranton, PA @ Tink's
June 1 Syracuse, NY @ The Loft
June 2 Portland, ME @ The Asylum
June 3 Providence, RI @ Met Cafe
June 5 New Haven, CT @ Toad's Place
June 6 Lancaster, PA @ The Chameleon
June 8 Albany, NY @ Valentine's
June 9 Northampton, MA @ Pearl Street
June 10 Buffalo, NY @ The Showplace
June 15 Mountain View, CA @ Shoreline Amphitheatre
June 17 Tucson, AZ @ Tucson Electric Park
July 25 Atlanta, GA @ HiFi Buys Amphitheatre
July 27 Orlando, FL @ Central Florida Fairgrounds
July 28 Pompano Beach, FL @ Pompano Beach Amphitheatre
July 29 Tampa, FL @ USF Soccer Field
July 31 Bristow, VA @ Nissan Pavilion
Aug 1 Virginia Beach, VA @ Verizon Wireless Virginia Bch.
Amp. Aug 2 Pittsburgh, PA @ Iron City Light Amphitheatre
Aug 3 Camden, NJ @ Tweeter Center At The Waterfront
Aug 4 New York, NY @ Randalls Island
Aug 5 Asbury Park, NJ @ Asbury Park Lot
Aug 6 Cleveland, OH @ Nautica Stage
Aug 8 Buffalo, NY @ La Salle Park
Aug 9 Boston, MA @ Suffolk Downs
Aug 12 Pontiac, MI @ Phoenix Plaza Amph.