Find Sloan's Facial Hair

Wanted:
by the offices of ChartAttack.com and Chart Magazine

NAME: Murphy, Christopher Michael

CHARGE: gross fashion indecencies, growing a moustache though clearly a white man unable to carry that off

A.K.A.: Lord Mullet Of Stanley, Chester The Molester, High Kick Hoolahan, the-one-who-hogs-all-the-camera-time-at-Much

SEX: Male
RACE: White
DOB: 11-7-68
POB: Charlottetown, PEI
HEIGHT: 5'11"
WEIGHT: approx 150 lbs
EYES: we haven't shared a soulful gaze yet
HAIR: Brown
SCARS: Unknown
TATTOOS: Unknown
NCIC#: Unknown
NCIC FPC: Unknown
WARRANT DATE: 1-26-01
ISSUED BY: The Society For The Preservation Of Moral Decency

THE CRIME: On January 25, 2001, covert Chart Communications operatives witnessed Murphy sporting a substantial, well-grown moustache while attending a Buck 65 concert at hip Toronto nightspot, Hooch.

MISCELLANEOUS: On the night in question Murphy was seen in company with the likes of Matt Murphy (The Flashing Lights), Esthero, DJ Serious, members of the group Len and assorted Len hangers-on. It is believed the subject has fled back underground but continues to make frequent appearances at the more exclusive live concert dates in and around Toronto.The subject should be considered armed with a rapier-like wit and dangerously hip indie rock footwear.

BOUNTY: The Chart Communications County Sheriff's Office is offering a reward of 1 rare Sloan "Work Cut Out" single + one set of the big May 1998 Four Sloan cover issue of Chart Magazine to the first person to legitimately capture photographs of the subject while be-moustached. If you have information on the whereabouts of this individual, please, contact the Chart Communications County Sheriff's Office via chart@chartattack.com or your local Law Enforcement Agency. All moustaches should be considered itchy and dangerous. Take no action other than sending us your JPEGs and Polaroids!