festival wristbands

There’s now scientific proof that festival wristbands are disgusting

Did you really need a microbiologist to tell you those crusty bracelets have germs on them, though?

- Jul 27, 2016

You know that wristband you've been wearing nonstop for three days while sleeping in the mud, shitting in porta potties, spilling beer all over yourself, maybe even using to pay for said beer? It's not a badge of honour. It's a disgusting cesspool of germs and you're a disgusting person for leaving it on for one more minute than you have to.

In a recent study conducted by Dr. Alison Cottell, a microbiologist at the University of Surrey, the cloth of festival wristbands was found to contain more than 20 times the bacteria of other clothes.

As ScienceDump reports, the doctor studied two festival wristbands that one person had been wearing for two years and found there was a concentration of around 9,000 micrococci and 2,000 staphylococci. Those bacteria are normally found on people's skin anyway, but this is an extremely high amount. "They can cause boils and infections of cuts and grazes," says Dr. Cotell, "and can also cause a form of acute food poisoning if they are ingested."

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Okay, so I don't blame you if you doubt the veracity of a "study" conducted on one idiot who's been wearing a pair of crusty bracelets for two whole years, and I'm not sure ScienceDump is a peer reviewed journal available in any academy, but if it gets one person to ditch their wristband before accidentally letting it touch their food and having to call into work stupid, then it will have been worth it.

So if you're wearing a festival wristband right now and you're reading this anywhere other than a mainstage LCD Soundsystem set, then please for the love of all that is cleanly cut it the fuck off!

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