It's frosh week at BIMM Dublin. Who's that middle aged woman standing with the teenagers, getting pressured into uncomfortable and vaguely sexual "ice breakers?" Why, she's the first ever recipient of the Kevin Shields Music Production Scholarship, named after the My Bloody Valentine frontman. The award handles three years of paid tuition in the school's Music Production course. (It will soon come out that this woman - Clarabelle - has a brother-in-law who deals molly. Her place with the popular kids at the KFC Express in the food court is all but secured.)
According to the school's website, the program covers "...the technology and techniques required to produce music across a wide range of contexts from traditional studio recording to film, television, animation, multimedia and live environments. You’ll also gain a thorough grounding in the context of contemporary music, the industry that supports it and the personal, project management and business skills required for a successful career in music production." You will also have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of having classics like Loveless and m b v hanging over every decision you make.
"It's a good opportunity for a young producer to learn all about sound and techniques, it's a cool course," Shields said, before brushing the air out of his eyes and riding off on his motorcycle. To who knows where? No. To here knows when.
Anyone interesting in succeeding Clarabelle on her journey of musical enlightenment can apply here.