-the man with the plan, seen with science's horrifyingly laughable imitations of humanity.
Dr. Michael Zuk enjoys The Beatles. So much so, that he's willing to go in direct defiance of the wills of god, nature, and basic ethics, by cloning John Lennon from a rotten tooth that the Canadian dentist bought for $32,000 in an auction. Because Canada banned cloning in 2004, Zuk's project will be aided and abetted by American scientists, who will extract the tooth DNA necessary to create a clone of this very special artist and dead human being. On his insane, DeviantArt-meets-Geocities website, Zuk rationalizes his scheme thusly:
“JL would have prefered to have lived a full life and continue with his efforts for PEACE. If things are left to natural progression, as seen with Elvis's massive estate, JL INC will eventually fall into the hands of people who have no genetic link to the Beatle.”
You know what else will happen if “things are left to their natural progression?” A man who died thirty years ago will remain that way. Which is total horseshit, because that won't get you mentioned “...on Jay Leno, Bill O’Reilly, Time Magazine, and [in] press across the globe.” or sell your revolting prints and pendants, or get your sister's sculpture mentioned in Rolling Stone. Best of all, any ethical discussion can be washed away because sis's Lennon bust raised $125 for the (actually wonderful) charity Smile Train. As for Lennon's estate being bought out by some non-Lennon, sure, it happened when John was alive, but this time will be different.
So until the USA's possibly non-existent laws against cloning kick in, let's all sit back and await the arrival of John Lennon 2.0. If we can get past the weeping sores and its constant pleas for death, I'm sure it will be the pop sensation Zuk's banking on.