13 Reasons To Hate The Parkdale Hockey Lads

1. Blue uniforms remind you of the Smurfs, except more "rape-y."

2. Yawd Sylvester's nice-guy routine's a sham. He beats puppies.

3. Simon Evers has apparently scored two of his three lifetime goals against us. He must be so proud.

4. One of their goaltenders works at Exclaim. Blood feud!

5. They take great, unnatural joy in regularly beating the co-ed, beginner-player team The Black Hearts.

6. Christopher Michael Murphy.

7. They've got the word "Parkdale" in their name so you know they're all douche bags.

8. The chubby one's always trying to get into everyone's business.

9. Stephen Cribbin. [Oops, sorry... wrong team.]

10. James "Scooby" Strachan blames us for us breaking his leg last year.

11. Tommy Gough. You're no Dave Andreychuk.

12. They have something like seven guys with the last name "Freitas" on their roster and all of them are the type of folks who grope people who pass out from drinking.

13. We don't even know what a "Kalinka" is, but we suspect it's some form of v.d.

The ChartAttack Hack play the Parkdale Hockey Lads on Saturday, Jan. 24, 8:30 p.m. at Bill Bolton Arena in Toronto.