No, There's Something In YOUR Mouth

Nickelback got two Juno Award nominations today (producer of the year, recording engineer of the year) specifically because of the song "Something In Your Mouth."

This is making my head explode. And I'm not sure if it's because of jealously, admiration, hatred... or who knows what else.

See, somewhere along the line, someone in the Nickelback camp had the conversation "What songs are we going to nominate for the Junos?" And in that conversation, the end result was, "Fuck it, well, it's obviously got to be 'Something In Your Mouth.'"

That conversation had to have happened.

I can see it now, Chad speeding around his acres and acres of property in a platinum-plated golf cart, blunt hanging out of his mouth and two record company toadies hanging on for dear life, pestering him to pick the songs he wants to have nominated. Then, him, all giggling his ass off, going, "They're gonna have to say the song title on TV, right?" "Um, I think so Chad..." "Well, then it's gotta be 'Something In Your Mouth'."

I can't decide if this is the single-most sly punk rock subversion of the Junos ever, or an even more perfectly distilled snapshot of Nickelback-as-a-reflection-on-western-society.   

I don't know if I'll ever figure it out.

In the meantime, here are the lyrics to the double-Juno Award nomination-worthy song "Something In Your Mouth": 

Got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body
They say its over budget but you'd pay her just to touch it come on
Needs to hit the big screen and shoot a little love scene
If hollywood had called her she'd be gone before ya had her come on

Pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong
Every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long
Doesn't care about the money she could be with anybody
Ain't it funny how the honey wanted you all along

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

Crafty little lip tricks
Tattoos on her left hip
She bending as your spending
Theres no ending it so baby come on
Dressed up like a princess
Bettin' that her skin smells better
Than the scent of every flower in the desert come on

Pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong
Every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long.
Doesn't care about the money she could be with anybody
Ain't it funny how the honey wanted you all along

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

She loves the night scene bar queen
Living for the fun taking over every dance floor like shes the only one
In the spotlight all night dissing everyone
Trying to look so innocent while sucking on her thumb

Your so much cooler
When you never pull it out
So much cuter
With something in your mouth

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake that ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your...