The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 – January 2010

The Grist 13

1. Adopted Golden Retriever Saves B.C. Boy From Cougar Attack
Sometimes dogs rule.

2. Watching The "Chat" Scroll On PunchMuch
The best part of the game is saying to yourself, "I can't believe some idiot just spent one dollar to post 'OMG <3 !!!'" People are really stupid.

3. Jookabox "Don't Go Phantom"
The next underground underground dance hit!



4. Gorging Yourself At Family Parties
You're poor and your aunts made too much food. It's your duty.

5. "Bescumber"
Insult of the month. To spray with poo. As in, listening to 30 Seconds To Mars' music is like being bescumbered.

6. Guido Fist Pump Tribute Videos
For when you're dancing so hard that you need to punish the air circulating around you.

7. That Will Buff Out
The misadventures of others will always be our awesome.

8. Having An Overwhelming Stack Of Christmas Chocolates In Your House
OK, so it kinda sucks if you're pretending to diet, but it's like having non-stop access to edible angel tears.

9. Walking The Entire Length Of Yonge Street
Think of it as a vision quest with access to falafel shops and discount Doc Marten shoe stores.

10. FUBAR Movie Clips
Lest we forget.



11. Discovering A New Favourite Beer
Whether it's St-Ambroise Oatmeal Stout or Mill Street Tankhouse Ale, it's time to break the Blue-Export-Canadian hegemony.

12. Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
Have you seen their vodka movie series with Zack Galifianakis? Awesomeballs.



13. Tiger Woods Jokes
This is pretty much over, but you've got until the divorce officially happens to get your "What's the different between Santa and Tiger Woods?" jokes out of your system. [Santa only has three hoes.]

The Shitty 7

1. Proroguing Of Parliament
Stephen Harper is a sinister, dead-eyed motherfucker.

2. Blind Items
Why can't they just TELL US?! We don't want to solve mysteries to find out our lurid gossip.

3. FTW
So when exactly did all the positive Petulas co-opt "fuck the world" into "for the win" on the Internets? That just goes against our worldview.

4. Lhasa Dying
It always sucks when a good musician passes.

5. Designer Tights
Really? An endorsement from Lindsay Lohan actually coolifies things?

6. CTVglobemedia And The Olympics
We're pretty darn patriotic over here, but this pre-Olympic fever flag-waving is getting ridiculous. You know it's gonna be bad when we're going to have to watch the American television coverage for more "balance."

7. CyberDyne Systems Actually Exists!
If you watched the last two Terminator movies over the holidays like we did you'll realize this is some scary shit. Destroy the machines before they become self-aware.