The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 — December 2009

The Grist 13

1. "Meep"
The most rebellious word in a high schooler's vocabulary. P.S. Beaker rules.

2. Clifford Banes
The Onion's top correspondent.

3. Douchebag Solidarity Movement
Because even the date rape-y amongst us need support.

4. Daytrotter
Sometimes they can be a bit hippie, but the amount of free awesomeness buried in there is worth it.

5. "Perverted Fraud"
Insult of the month. It's a good line to have in your arsenal when you encounter schemers obsessed with foot sex.

6. Star Wars Facebook Status Updates
It's the little things that give faith that all hope is not lost with the younger generation.

7. My Cat Is Retarded
The proof is in the head stuck in the Kleenex box.

8. Hot Girls Risky Business Fail
Because you're all mean-spirited and love it when hot girls get their comeuppance.

9. LIGHTS
Have you seen her tour diaries HERE, HERE or HERE? No? You should get on that, it'll make you way cool.

10. Elizabeth Lambert, University Of New Mexico Soccer Player
You are one impressively violent young lady.

11. Getting A New Couch
It makes the world a better place. Especially when it's free.

12. Paper Lions' Doing "Everything You've Done Wrong"
Sloan covers are totes cute.

13. Awkward Boners
Sometimes shit happens. Perhaps there needs to be a support group: Boner Solidarity Movement.

The Shitty 7

1. Eggo Waffle Shortage
Could a factory full of listeria really hurt that bad? L'eggo my Eggo.

2. Robert Pattinson As A Sex Symbol
So let's get this straight: He smells bad, wears the same clothes all the time and his face looks like a mushroom. Why is he hot again?

3. Having Two Vaginas
Sure, it sounds intriguing at first. But think of the practical difficulties.

4. Slash
You used to be cool about 15 years ago.

5. University Of Waterloo Student Body
So you don't like campus radio, huh? No biggie. We don't like your face.

6. Having A Crippling Command And Conquer Addiction
When you start bookmarking YouTube videos of other players' performances, you know you've got a problem.

7. The Internet Getting All Slow
First, let's step the fuck off the Black Friday online sales. Most of the deals were shit anyway (15 per cent off is bullshit). Next, go read a book or something. Your collective Facebook/Twitter/YouTubing is jamming up the information superhighway.