The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 – November 2009

11/03/09 3:47pm

The Grist 13

1. The Flaming Lips
Everyone should want to be Wayne Coyne when they grow up.

2. Apple Pie
M&M Meat Shops were giving them away for free a couple weeks ago. Man, they were delicious.

3. Randomly Finding $20 On The Ground
This doesn't quite make up for soul-crushing student loans and working poverty, but it helps.

4. Dressing Up Like A Giant Bat And Scaring People
This rules.

5. "Prostiboots"
Word of the month. With thigh-high boots all the rage right now we think it's important you add this to your vocabulary for when you're feeling catty.

6. Kiefer Sutherland Drinking Stories
My kingdom for a chance to go boozing for a night with Jack Bauer.

7. When A Hawk Throws A Pigeon Against Your Window And Then Starts Eating It
It's like the National Geographic channel just exploded into high definition real life at your doorstep.

8. Dirt Bike Hill Climbing
This doesn't appear to be the brightest sporting pursuit, but the misadventure of others will always be our entertainment.

9. The Rise And Fall Of Balloon Boy
The crazy stage dad, the vomit, the media coverage... and ironic T-shirts were on sale within 24 hours. Bless you, Internet.

10. Coach Sue Sylvester On Twitter
Most people's tweets are stupid and boring. Hers are less boring.

11. Discount Halloween Candy
That's right, mothafucka!!! Bring on the 70 per cent off Twizzlers!

12. Rediscovering R.E.M.
One Chart editor recently spent a week listening to 'em non-stop. Said editor still believes Document is their best album.

13. Probably Bad News
We once put "Canadian Hip-Hip" on a cover instead of "Canadian Hip-Hop," but we can still laugh at others.

The Shitty 7

1. Serial Nut Kicker On The Loose In British Columbia!
Listen, few things are as funny as watching when a guy gets whomped in the pills, but this shit is just too much.

2. Having A Temporary Crown In Your Mouth That Means You Can't Take Full Advantage Of Discounted Halloween Candy
Ha. Ha. Ha, to you too, God. At least my earthy representatives don't diddle little boys.

3. Forgetting Your Umbrella
You raindrop-ass, motherfuckers! I will fight all of you. You can't break me. C'mon!

4. Bruxism
Grinding one's teeth at night. If the weight of the world wasn't so heavy this wouldn't be such a problem.

5. Zombies
I know. I never thought I'd get bored of them either.

6. Swine Flu Hysteria Is Outta Control
You people really know how to put the pan-ic in pandemic.

7. National Sandwich Day
Why do sandwiches only get one day? Beautiful sandwiches need to be celebrated every day.