The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 — August 2009

08/04/09 11:38am

The Grist 13

1. Chelsea Lately
How come nobody told us about this until now? The best is when Chelsea is insulting strumpets right to their face and they have no idea.

2. Brokencyde
Screamo crunk's best!

3. Winning
It totally beats losing.

4. Wall Of Death
Sometimes when you kids get hopped up on the Dr. Pepper it's amazing what you'll do.

5. Finally Having Some Summer Weather
Is, like, two weeks of sun too much to ask for?

6. Eric The Vampire
He's soooo dreamy and his loyalty to Godric is totes hawt.

7. Cookies 'N' Cream Ice Cream
We're on that like R. Kelly's on 14-year-old girls.

8. "Retard Strength"
It explains your best friend. And your mom.

9. My Life Is Average
If you're kinda depressed you probably shouldn't surf this site, though it's funny as hell.

10. Jeremih "Birthday Sex"
Yes, this song is about exactly what the title suggests. Apparently without irony, either.

11. The Electric Company
Most of the time remakes are wrong. This time they're right.

12. Uncyclopedia
Hey, it can't be any less truthful than anything Stephen Harper says, right?

13. G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra
Last month we had this at #2, but we've now figured out that this is gonna suck and we'd prefer to blame it on Hollywood and not give up entirely.

The Shitty 7

1. Unicorns
They're always up in everyone's business. Pricks.

2. James Blunt
Dude doesn't want Weird Al to parody his song. You're not good enough to sniff Al's leopard print thong.

3. Geoblocking
Y'know why the kids spend so much time surfing weird offshore Chinese bootleg movie and TV sites? Because shit that should be legitimately viewable on computers gets blocked by some fuck. This isn't 1983. Ruthless consumer choice rules.

4. Losing Your Ability To Socialize Properly From Watching Too Many Celebrity Roasts
Apparently most women don't see the fun in calling them floppity vagina whores in casual conversation.

5. Blake Fielder-Civil
Have you seen the way he's been selling out Amy Winehouse since the divorce? What a snake.

6. Concert Festival Stages That Collapse In High Winds
This sucks pretty hard... even if it was a message from God telling Kevin Costner to retire from music.

7. "Hot Mess"
This term has officially jumped the shark. Stop using it. (You too, gays.)