The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 — July 2007

07/27/09 10:58am

The Grist 13

1. Sleeping
It's where some people become vikings. Others turn into Rambo-like super-ninjas.

2. Chocolate Popsicles
Does anyone really care about any other flavor?

3. Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'"
The Sopranos helped remind us why this band are better than Pearl Jam.

4. Hollywood Zombies
Finally, someone recognizes stars for the rotting, soulless corpses they are.

5. The Silver Surfer
Not so much the Fantastic Four.

6. "Town Bike"
Insult of the month, beating "Jeter" and "Calgarian."

7. LOLCats
The best part is how portable the idea is. Think about it: LOLCaraccidents, LOLIraq, LOLFudge... the list is endless.

8. Throwing A Big Transformer At Your Cousin's Head
That's how you win a playfight.

9. Curing The Munchies
We recommend cake and ice cream. Tasty pizza works, too.

10. Shia LaBeouf
He's the product of a mime and a ballerina. Let's applaud his existence for that alone.

11. Playing Video Games On A 42-Inch TV
What? You've never experienced such vivid, visceral digital carnage? Burn.

12. www.funnyordie.com
There are Will Ferrell clips. He's funny.

13. Toronto F.C. Pretend Hooligans
You're so cute with your upper middle class white rage.

The Shitty 7

1. Gang Singing
Dear college kids, don't make your bands do this.

2. Running Out Of Juice
...And then you have to drink beer. Life's tough.

3. People Who Deny Global Warming Exists
These people are the new #1 evil. Question their motives.

4. Sidney Crosby... Speaking
Makes Wayne Gretzky look like Al Pacino.

5. All That New Shit On Facebook
No thanks. I'll pass on the hypnotizing-super-poke-fortune-cookie-movie-making-secret-lie-revealed
feature.

6. Waiting On Apple To Upgrade Their iMacs
Just because you've got all this iPhone business to deal with doesn't mean you have to forget about us little people.

7. Cujo
Those rabid St. Bernards are a real bitch.

The following feature is from the July 2007 issue of Chart Magazine. To purchase the issue, go to the CHARTattack Shop.