Nardwuar Vs. Kathy Griffin And Lily Tomlin

Who are you?
Kathy Griffin: I'm Kathy Griffin, star of Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List.

And Kathy, who do you have beside you?
KG: Lily Tomlin, legend, icon, and, uh, multi-award-winning genius.

Hello Lily! Welcome to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada!
Lily Tomlin: Thank you. I'm delighted to be here.

I'm on the d-list, with you! We're on the d-list!
KG: Lily's not on the d-list! Cut that crap.

But we're live on the d-list, right now. We are live on the d-list.
KG: We're on the multi-Emmy-Award-winning show My Life On The D-List, it's true.

Now Kathy, the reason I'm on the d-list right now is Andrew W.K. He set me up with you. What can you say about Andrew W.K.? He went on a date with you. Punk rocker, Andrew W.K.
KG: Yeah, he was very, very sweet and I went to his performance artist show.

He bled for me. When I interviewed Andrew W.K., he bled for me.
LT: Oh yeah?
KG: He cuts himself in front of his...
LT: Cut himself, right. That is pleasant.
KG: Yeah.

Do you have any message for him? A failed date with Andrew W.K.
KG: Um, I... you know, I'm glad he wasn't bleeding at any point, so it wasn't that bad of a date.
LT: He didn't bleed on your date?
KG: No! Didn't bleed on my...

So – the date continues. I'm bleeding on you! The date lives on, through Andrew W.K. Me, Nardwuar, The Human Serviette. That's why I'm here.
KG: Uh... uh... Bonjour, ca va?

So, the... You got it! The Serviette! The Human Napkin!
KG: Yes! [laughs]

And here you are also with Lily...
KG: Do you speak any French at all?
LT: No, I look forward to that (in French accent).

Lily, I have a gift for you. Because here we are, in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, where Robert Altman did the movie McCabe & Mrs...
LT: Miller.

Mrs. Miller! Filmed in Vancouver! And guess what? You've been in quite a few Robert Altman productions, haven't you?
LT: Occasionally, I have.

And I have a gift for you. This is a tribute to the movie Nashville that you were in [Nardwuar hands Lily a CD]
LT: Uh-huh.

Done by some Vancouver/Victoria artists, Carolyn Mark And Friends!
LT: A DVD?

It's a CD. It's a tribute to the soundtrack of Nashville!
LT: Oh! So I'll be on here, someone'll be tributing me singing gospel?

Such great tunes are out there in the movie Nashville.
LT: [sings] "He lives, He lives! Christ Jesus lives today." Like that?

A classic! Nashville paid tribute by some Canadians! Canadian connection.
LT: I'm dying to hear it. Can we put it on now?
KG: Now, is there any kind of a Canadian connection at all?

Well, there is a big Canadian connection, because you're in Canada, and I'm afraid about giving that gift to Lily, Kathy Griffin.
KG: Why would you be?

Because it's the movie Nashville, and your good friend is from...
KG: My?

Your good friend from Nashville is...
KG: Andrew W.K.?

No, Miley...
KG: Cyrus!

I was afraid I would get you mad, because when you think of Nashville, you think of...
KG: Miley Cyrus's demise.

Yeah, what do you think about her dad taking her on dates? It's, like, the dad is accompanying her on dates.
KG: [laughs] I think the dad's living off her is more the story there.

One person that represents Canada, I don't know if you'd agree with this, Lily, is...
LT: Who represents? Uh, Danny Aykroyd.

No, Celine...
KG: Dion!

Celine Dion. Now Kathy, I have a bit of bone to pick with you, I have a bone to pick with you. You rat on Celine Dion's husband.
KG: René Angéli.

Now, Rene deserves some props. Check this out. [Nardwuar hands Kathy a record] This is Rene, in his band, Les Baronets!
KG: Which one?

There he is, right there, Rene.
KG: C'est Rene?
LT: Oh boy!

That is Rene. So he was in the game long before Celine, wasn't he, Kathy Griffin?
KG: Yes, I just think it seems odd that they were dating when she was 9 years old, or whatever.

But still, he's been puttin' it out! He's been doin' it! Like, will you give Rene some more props now that he actually had a record, Les Baronets?
KG: Oui, je regrette, Rene.
LT: He looks like a Saudi prince here.

Have you guys met some Saudi princes?
LT: I have met one.
KG: Who, Sultan of Brunei?
LT: No, he was selling a house.
KG: Really! And he's actually there, and says, like, "Oh, hi Lily."
LT: Well, I was sort of in the background. No, I don't believe he knew who I was.
KG: Interesting. And they just... did they say, "This is the house of a Saudi prince. Do you want it?"
LT: The realtor told me it was the house of a Saudi prince. [laughs]
KG: Well, of course, they love that crap.

Kathy Griffin, you said some naughty words on CNN the other night, didn't you?
KG: Yes, I did.

You also committed the ultimate sin, you called Wolf Blitzer...
KG: Boring.

How dare you! That is amazing!
KG: I got a lot of nerve. That’s how.

But actually, it was a bit more than that, Kathy. You said, quote, "Knock the..."
KG: Oh, I said, um, during the commercial break, I...
LT: I know, I heard it.
KG: [laughs]

You said...
KG: I said "I don't go to your jobs and knock the dicks out of your mouth."

Now, is that an allusion to the Mr. Show show, 'cause Mr. Show used that little quip. Have you seen that show?
KG: No, no. Mr. Show was making fun of it the way I did as an old hack, hack response to a heckler. Like the old Borscht Belt comedians. It's, like, the oldest response to a heckler in the book.

Well, I guess what I was wondering, who invented "dick?"
LT: … [in reference to previous question] Like people who say "I don't come to your job and kick the shovel out of your hand."
KG: Oh!

Lily, you know a lot about dicks, don't you?
LT: Quite a bit.

You know a lot about dicks because you go all the way back to Dick Martin! From Laugh-In.
LT: I do indeed.

And you know what's interesting? Check out the front of this record, Kathy, it's amazing. [Nardwuar hands Kathy a gatefold Laugh-In LP] What is happening at the front of this record? What word is on the front of this record of Laugh In?
KG: "He's Dick."

"He's Dick"! So, why is the word "dick" OK to say in the '60s, but not OK to say now?
KG: It should be OK. [to Lily] Why isn't your picture on here?
LT: Uh, because I wasn't on 'til the third year.
KG: Third year. OK.

When you say the word "dick" on TV, you end up in the New York Times!
KG: That's true, and also worldwide.

But actually, Kathy, you end up on the New York Times Business section. New York Times Business section. Is that the ultimate d-list? Like, "I made it! I'm on the front page... No, I'm on the Business section of the New York Times."
KG: I'm happy CNN got fantastic ratings.

You like punk rockers, don't you, Lily Tomlin? 'Cause you actually played a punk rocker, Agnes Angst, didn't you?
LT: Yes, I did. But I'm not one.
KG: [laughs]

Did you actually work with 38 Special, the band?
KG: I did. I did a gig in Vegas. Alright, I didn't even do stand up at the time. It was myself, a race car, like a Nascar guy, and the group 38 Special. And I went out and did 10 minutes of I don't know what, I bombed horribly.
LT: You did?
KG: I did, but I was like... I was a spokesperson for Kenwood Stereos, which I don't even know if that exists anymore.
LT: Yeah.

You worked with 38 Special, but Lily Tomlin worked with somebody much cooler than that, Dr. Demento!
LT: Dr. Demento! Yeah!

That is pretty good taste, isn't it?
LT: Yeah.

You exposed the world to Dr. Demento.
LT: I did, indeed.
KG: Really?
LT: And I have his collection of records.
KG: Yeah, I know! We used to listen to those records all the time!
LT: Really?
KG: Yes! You know who loves that? Straight guys lose their, their shoot for that stuff.

Kathy Griffin, Lily Tomlin has a quote from Time Magazine: "I worry about kids today. Because of the sexual revolution, they're gonna grow up and never know what 'dirty' is."
KG: Why are you shouting? We're right here, earphones and everything.

Well, I guess what I was wondering is, Kathy, do you know what "dirty" is?
KG: Well, I know the Cristina Aguilera song, "Dirrrty," with 3 r's.

But who is dirty? Who is dirty? What do you mean by "dirty," Lily Tomlin? Is Beyonce dirty?
KG: [laughs]
LT: Dirty? Well, let's see. Well, there is no such thing today. You see, that was an ironic statement. I'm sure you get that.

Tom, the tour manager: Nardwuar, you got two minutes left!

OK, is this dirty? OK, is this dirty right here? [Nardwuar pulls out a DVD sealed in a plastic bag] The Kim Kardashian DVD. Is this dirty? Notice I put it in a bag.
KG: OK, yes.
LT: [laughs]
KG: Kim Kardashian should be in a plastic bag. I don't mean her body, I mean just her work.
LT: Oh. But not her head.
KG: Well, I don't want to catch anything.

And you've talked about these types of things, haven't you too, Lily? Like Hamburger Helper in the bedroom. You've talked about that.
LT: Yeah, Hamburger Helper in the boudoir.

Lastly here, Carrie Fisher, you know, Princess...
KG: Leia.

Princess Leia, she claims her dad Eddie...
LT: Fisher.

Ate his hearing aid, thinking it was pills.
KG: Sounds good to me.

Could that happen? Is that one of the weirder Hollywood things you've heard, Lily?
LT: I don't believe it's true.

It sounds really good, though. I wanna believe it.
KG: It would be fun if it was true.
LT: Something Carrie would make up.
KG: [laughs]
LT: Alright, now I have Eddie Fisher's, uh, autograph. So, put that in your—
KG: Pipe and smoke it.
LT: Crotch.

Ba-boom. You’re moving all the way from Richmond, British Columbia, Canada, Kathy Griffin, all the way to where?
KG: The A-list?

No, next! Madison Square Garden!
KG: Yes, Madison Square Garden!

Here we are at a restaurant in Richmond, British Columbia, Canada.
KG: I know! I'm so nervous to do the wrong answer, even if it's about my own life.
LT: So what?
KG: Screw it. Yes, I'm going, I'm going to the Garden after this.

Madison Square Garden is it the arena, or the theatre? Is it, like, the big thing?
KG: It's a theatre inside the arena, arena of 5,600 seats. It's called — it used to be called the WaMu Theater, but I don't even know if they folded.
LT: Oh, boy! You mean they have a smaller theatre inside Madison Square Garden?
KG: Yes, and it's a nice, intimate, it's not like, you know, where the Knicks play.
LT: Yeah.

To remember me in Canada, we have a parting gift. As I gave Lily the soundtrack to the movie...
LT: Nashville.

Nashville, by some Canadian artists, I thought I would give you a gift of me, Kathy Griffin. My stripping pen. [Nardwuar hands a "floaty" pen to Kathy] This is me stripping.
LT: No, no, I want one.
KG: Alright, this is my gift to Lily Tomlin.

But you didn't even look at it strip!
KG: I don't. When Lily, uh, wants something I give it to her. I don't have—

Is that really how... Well, actually, you've been on a, quite a few shows with Lily. Or have you? Is this the first time you...
LT: [looking at the Nardwuar Floaty Pen] This is like a partial strip.

Well, people get offended by the chest hair. You don't wanna see that right now, either, do you? You don't wanna see the chest hair right now, do you?
KG: Not on a woman.

Or on me.
KG: No.

'Cause I could show it to you right now. I was gonna say, though, you know Lily quite well, and it's pretty amazing, like, in Canada, come to Canada, you meet Lily. Had you met Lily before?
KG: Briefly, but not got to really spend time like this.

And you come to Canada and you meet Liza Minnelli!
KG: Uh, yes! I met her last year as well.

For the first time! So Richmond is, really, pretty magical!
LT: Sorta the mecca.

It all really comes together! But my last question here is, how come Coolio isn't here? He's always on your shows. How many times have you been on a show with Coolio?
KG: We couldn't book him. He's too big.

But how many times have you been on a show with Coolio? You have been on quite a few.
KG: Often enough, I think I've worked with Coolio, like, three times.

Like on New Year's Eve, he was there, wasn't he?
LT: Is he related to Julio?
KG: [laughs] No, he's not.

No, he's the guy, what is it, "Gangsta's Paradise" is the song.
KG: Right.

And I think he opened up for Ice-T. I learned that while watching an interview with you, like, when I watched Kathy Griffin I learned about Coolio.
KG: [To tour manager] Tom, you have to just take him [Nardwuar] away at some point.

Well, thank you very much, really appreciate the time. Anything else you wanna add to the world out there at all, Kathy Griffin?
KG: Yes, I'm bouncing you from your own interview.

Well, thanks so much Kathy Griffin, and Lily Tomlin. Keep on rockin' in the free world, and doot doola doot doo...
KG & LT: Doo doot.

See the video of this interview below:


See Nardwuar’s appearance on Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List below at the 2:09 mark: