The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 — July 2009

The Grist 13

1. "Ridiculous"
Insult of the month. And you're thinking, "There are worse things someone can call you," right? Wrong.

2. G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra
Transformers are bullshit.

3. Cutebreak's YouTube Channel
An oasis of aaaawww in a desert of shit. Highly recommended: "baby beaver loves a good scratch" and "kitty plays with a theremin." Here is the latter:

4. Barbecues
Grilling food and getting so drunk you fall out of lawn chairs is awesome.

5. The Feeling Of New Socks
It's like a dozen kittens lovingly nuzzling up against your toes.

6. Kettle Chips
These are potato chip artisans who deserve our support.

7. Texts From Last Night
You have to sift a bit to find the quality one-liners, but it's still worth the time.

8. Sesame Street Slayer
It's exactly what it sounds like.

9. Adidas Flagship Store 50 Per Cent Off Sales
Score!

10. Lady GaGa
We don't care about her music or her fashion, but when she tells kids they should learn about Kate Bush it makes us think she's secretly on our side.

11. The Brick Testament
The Bible... in Lego form. We respect the retarded effort that went into this.

12. The Newer, Tougher Maple Leafs
They're still gonna suck, but at least they won't lose a fight this year.

13. All Night MJ Dance Parties
The King (Of Pop) is dead. Children are safe. Now, let's dance.

The Shitty 7

1. Hipster Appropriation Of The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt
Fuck you, you ironic little fucking fuck bags. You've destroyed the magic power of this image and nobody will be able to wear one of these around town without people thinking, "Hey, X over there is a real super-douche in that shirt." P.S. Read the customer reviews.

2. Garbage Strikes
I don't know who deserves more blame — the unions or the politicians — but both deserve some sort of punishment that involves frolicking naked on festering mounds of dirty diapers.

3. Having A Mysterious Deadly Cough
Worse, the doctor says it's "possible" that it's swine flu because "it's everywhere now" but it's not severe enough to test for and what you really should do is take a day off.

4. Sunburns
Not only are they painful, but all your "friends" slapping you on the back is cause for a knife fight.

5. When There's No "Get CD Track Names" Information In iTunes For A CD You're Importing
Usually, it makes us just pull the CD out and wait a week to try again. Laziness rules.

6. Plaid
Hands up if you're a lumberjack? No? Then stop WEARING FUCKING PLAID!

7. Lack Of Sleep
It makes you so irritable that you want to punch puppies.