The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 — June 2009

06/01/09 1:37pm

The Grist 13

1. Mantracker
Have you seen this show? At least one CHARTattack editor is totally convinced they could beat the Mantracker.

2. Fetishizing Women In Bikinis Wearing Oven Mitts And Standing Over Ovens While Holding Baked Pies
We just found out this image turns a friend of ours' crank and we can't stop giggling about it.

3. Katie Stelmanis' "Believe Me" video
Apparently she hates us for some reason, but this is still pretty great. Especially the hexing of the geese.

4. The Hangover
Mike Tyson punching out Zach Galifianakis while air-drumming to "In The Air Tonight?" I will fight anyone who thinks this won't be amazing.

5. Bruno Teabagging Eminem
Eminem seemed entirely comfortable with the whole thing. Almost like he's been there before.

6. Detroit Red Wings
It's not fair for a team to be that good.

7. Biscuits
Sometimes it's the simple pleasures that make dealing with the world tolerable.

8. "Twit"
Classic insult of the month, beating out "fatso" and "face like the side of a house."

9. The Wire
Hey friends, thanks for holding out until 2009 to tell us about this show. You snitch-ass motherfuckin' bitches.

10. The Coachella Wizard
The best part is it's now a thing to attend giant rock festivals dressed as wizards. Your legacy lives on, Coachella Wizard.

11. Earthquake Hazards Program
Now you can track all those little burps towards the apocalypse in real time.

12. National Fist Bump Day
It's happening on June 3. Fist bump for freedom, y'all!

13. Archie Proposes To Veronica
It's about time we end this blond-aucracy.

The Shitty 7

1. The Economy
So when do we rebel against the richest five per cent for destroying the western world's middle class?

2. When Your Roommate Takes Off For The Summer And Leaves Rotting Food In Their Bedroom
Who does something like that?

3. Toronto FC Soccer Hooliganism Shut Down
Jeez, accidentally set fire to one broad with a road flare and suddenly The Man is all in crackdown mode.

4. "Dealbreaker!"
We love 30 Rock and we love Liz Lemon. We don't, however, love that show's devilish efforts to force-feed the world lowest common denominator catchphrases.

5. Pancake Fail
The inability to make proper pancakes. Dealbreaker.

6. When You've Been Playing A New Video Game So Obsessively You Suspect You May Have Given Yourself A Stress Fracture In Your Thumb
It's not the game's faultl; it's your weak-ass thumb's fault for betraying you.

7. Old Lady Perfume At Leonard Cohen Concerts
We were choking on that shit. Those biddies need to lay off.