The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 — March 2009

The Grist 13

1. Fuck My Life
FML is right! Why didn't anyone tell me about this sooner? Laughing at the misfortunes of others always makes me feel better.

2. Spring Break
Woo! You know what to do. Now go out, get drunk and have that ill-advised threesome.

3. Oz
Remember that show? Man, it was great. Especially Adebisi and O'Reily.

4. Giant Pimped-Out Drinking Goblets
It's not strictly a hip-hop phenomenon (think about Octoberfest beer steins). When you're carrying one around, it says: "You ARE the party."

5. Disgusting People I Have Made Out With
It's no FML, but there's still lots of funny-sad.

6. The Lonely Island
The only one anyone knows is Andy Samberg, but that doesn't matter. They're a little oasis of funny in a sea of Dane Cook.

7. Baconnaise
See! See! Science isn't failing us after all.

8. "Snot Slurper"
Insult of the month, beats out "donkey show" (a bizarre, freakish spectacle) and "hircismus" (to have offensively bad underarm odor).

9. Not Being Dizzy
Getting over vertigo rules.

10. Cat Vs. Dog
If this was the UFC, that dog would be B.J. Penn and the cat would be George St-Pierre.

11. Sunflower Seeds
Especially when they're baked into half-price bread.

12. "Git Ur Fuk On" by The Wong Boys
One of our editors saw this band at a festival in Oslo and determined this was the best song released in the last six months.

13. Anvil's Revival
As far as old-time Can-rock goes, we're more behind April Wine, but we respect that these guys are still at it.

The Shitty 7

1. This Recession
You know who's to blame, right? Rich people. They're the ones who fucked the rest of us, so let the class war begin.

2. Cold Feet
Not the social paralysis. That sucks, too, but we're talking about actual cold feet. I'd take feeling awkward and conversationally inept over freezing my toes off any day.

3. Being Dizzy
Vertigo sucks the big one. It's like being stumbly-drunk and on the verge of puking 24/7.

4. Twitter
Everyone doesn't need to know all of your business, all of the time, every minute of every day.

5. Chris Brown And Rihanna Getting Back Together
Really? Wasn't one Ike and Tina enough? And what's this about Diddy being the one to reunite them? What a snot slurper.

6. Beyonce's "Single Ladies" YouTube Video Mania
That was fun for a bit, wasn't it? It's not anymore, though.

7. February
That was a shitty-ass month. Good riddance, and your mom smells.