The Grist 13 And Shitty 7 — February 2009

02/02/09 12:38pm

The Grist 13

1. "50% - 70% Off Everything" Sales
This recession sucks, but these mega-bargain blowouts are as much karmic equalizations as they are market adjustments.

2. Pretending You Can't Hear Stuff Because You've Got Headphones On
Great for you, but when others figure it out, you'll look like a dick.

3. Being Warm
Sure beats being cold.

4. Television On The Internet
Any show you want to see is available on the internet now. Smart broadcasters even set up proper streams of shows so you don't have to sift through weird Chinese bootleg sites.

5. I Thought Obama Would Get Me Laid
Sure, things are better, but he's still a politician. And he still won't get you laid.

6. 50 Cent
The further he descends into parody, the more I genuinely like him.

7. Popeye's Chicken Sandwich
You think it's gonna be just another gross fast food sandwich... and then, blam! You're in flavour country.

8. "Feist"
Multi-use insult of the month can mean a small, yappy dog or silent, but violent fart. Beats out "dummkopf" and "ignoramus."

9. Tracy Jordan's Movie Career
A Blaffair To Rememblack? Samuri I Am Awry? Honky Grandma Be Trippin'? President Homeboy? Amazing!

10. Gods Of War III Trailer
OMZ! [The "Z" is for "Zeus," get it?]

11. "I Get Low" By Timber Timbre
That's some spooky business right there, like if someone killed your pet and left it on your doorstep.

12. Fuck You, Penquin
Sometimes these animals get all uppity and need to be put in their place.

13. Valentine's Day
Reach out and touch someone (yourself if necessary).

The Shitty 7

1. TV On The TV
TV's for suckers.

2. The Internet
There was nothing interesting on the internet at least five times last month. Why are you failing me, new God?

3. Salt Stains
My shoes are looking like shit from all this crap on them.

4. Nobody Sending You That 25 Things About Me Facebook Chain Letter
It'll seriously cause a person some questioning of their social interactions.

5. Cyclists Getting Hit By SUVs
It pretty much sucks.

6. U2
The people have spoken. Bono is officially irritating.

7. Snow
That shit's more skanky than your mom.