Christmas Records Time Forgot

12/23/08 4:06pm

by Dan "The Mouth" Lovranski (CHARTattack)

Do you want to make a fast buck? There's nothing better than taking a hot musical fad and mixing it with everybody's favourite holiday, Christmas. While this marriage of pop music and Xmas has existed for decades, most of the records rarely last past their initial season of release. Some end up becoming iconic, like the ones by Elvis Presley and Bing Crosby, but those are the exceptions.

Since Christmas is about giving, I want to offer these fallen warriors the recognition they deserve for striking while the iron is hot during the only real season of the year you can get away with it. You don't see Brian Setzer doing Easter records, do you?

Here are 10 Christmas records that time forgot:

10. MIRROR IMAGE Disco Noel
What better way to start our Christmas cash-in countdown than with Disco Noel, supposedly recorded by Mirror Image, who, in fact, were probably nothing more than a cheap synthesizer and a lonely programmer.

Take a little wah-wah, some female background singers, a collection of Xmas standards and you're ready to pump that booty up and down that tree covered in glitterballs. This is the classic example of the type of record that would be marketed to parents to buy for their kids in attempt to look somewhat cool. It didn't work.

9. THE WAIKIKIS Merry Christmas In Hawaii
While there's no doubt this one was cashing in on the Hawaiian music fad of the early '60s, it's not a bad record at all, considering The Waikikis were actually a Belgian studio band who released a single in 1964 called "Hawaii Tattoo" that was a top 10 hit.

What's even crazier is the sound leans more to a country pedal steel rather than the Hawaiian. It works great, though, on tracks like "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" (originally done by country singer Gene Autry) and "O Tannenbaum," as well originals like "Snow In Hawaii." It's definitely worth the $1.49 you'll pay when you find it at your neighbourhood Goodwill.

8. SY MANN Switched On Santa
In this case, Christmas was used to cash in the Moog synthesizer, which was a pretty big deal in the late '60s since it could make so many bizarre sounds. The first record to really capitalize on this was Switched On Bach by Walter Carlos (who later got a sex change, became Wendy Carlos, and did the soundtrack to A Clockwork Orange). Santa soon jumped on the bandwagon, or, rather, Sy Mann did.

Unfortunately, Switched On Santa is a rather disappointing effort. For an instrument that was so new and radical sounding, this record is pretty tepid. But Mann would find future work. After this record, he did a rip-off soundtrack to Shaft under the name Soul Mann And The Brothers.

7. JACOB MILLER & RAY I Natty Christmas
What Canadian wouldn't like to spend the occasional winter in Jamaica? Natty Christmas can at least get you in the spirit, as Jacob Miller and DJ Ray I lay down the island grooves on this 1978 release. "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" is probably the most trad Xmas number of the bunch, but they definitely have fun with some of the standards like "Silver Bells" and "All I Want For Christmas." And just in case you don't know what Miller is referring to when he wishes for "collie herb," the front cover says it all.

6. A Midnight Christmas Mess
Midnight Records has been a mail-order company that's specialized in vintage garage and psychedelic rock for 30 years. Back in 1984, they released the first of three pretty cool Christmas records that definitely need to be reissued. Side one of A Midnight Christmas Mess was power pop, while side two had the garage rockers.

There are tons of great highlights, including The Tryfles marrying "Angels We Have Heard On High" to garage classic "Gloria," Johnny Rabb's rockabilly "Gotta Get Lucky For Xmas" and even the legendary Screamin' Jay Hawkins with the piano boogie of "It's Xmas." Just don't stare at the cover too long.

5. THE YOBS The Yobs Christmas Album
This 1980 album is the one to put on when you want to clear mom, dad and the rest of the family from the room. This is scuzzy punk rock, and probably the most disgusting Christmas has ever sounded. While their pornographic version of "The Twelve Days Of Christmas" is quite funny with all its talk of whores, masturbating and vibrators, other tracks like "Silent Night" accompanied by Hitler speeches are incredibly tasteless... even for punk. The Yobs, by the way, were actually The Boys (clever, eh?), a power-pop-punk band of the time.

4. THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS Lies To Live By
This one isn't technically a Christmas record, but I couldn't pass up including a band stupid enough to name themselves Christmas and then not play any Christmas music.

These guys were Canadian prog rockers from the early '70s and were simply called "Christmas" to start. But they changed it to The Spirit Of Christmas by the time of this album just to make it even more confusing. The music is great, but the name totally killed them, and it wasn't until Mannheim Steamroller that we got a prog Christmas record. Unfortunately, they've totally overdone it with nine of them, including their latest, Christmasville.

3. SPINAL TAP "Christmas With The Devil"
While promoting This Is Spinal Tap in May 1984, the band appeared on Saturday Night Live. Instead of doing a song that was featured in the film, they debuted this magnificent ditty. It features some of the best Christmas lyrics ever, including "The rats ate all the presents and the reindeer ran away." This ultra rare 45 (since it only went out as a promo to radio stations) features a scratch mix version on the reverse that begins with a record being scratched.

2. ROTARY CONNECTION Peace
This is my all-time Christmas fave.

Rotary Connection were a mixed group with an R&B base, but encompassed a lot of rock and psychedelic elements. Peace was their third album, released in 1968, and is often readily dismissed as just another Christmas record. It's far more, though, and this is an amazing collection of original tunes (plus a blistering rock version of "Silent Night") that covers the typical ideals of the time — peace and love.

It might sound somewhat naive to some of you who are more jaded, but if I'm going to listen to a song about the Christ child, I'll pick "Christmas Child," with its funky beat, over "Away In A Manger" any day of the season. It also features the best Christmas song ever, "Peace At Last," which finally explains why Santa comes down the chimney rather than through the front door (he's high as a kite on mistletoe).

1. THE BEATLES The Beatles Christmas Album
Since the theme of this little piece has been to focus on people taking advantage of the Christmas season to make a fast buck, it's completely unfathomable that this record has still never had an official release almost 40 years after it was put together. It may not be a traditional Xmas record, but it's an amazing document.

Starting in 1963, the Official Beatles Fan Club issued a special 45 every year that was exclusive to members. It featured the Fab Four giving a special greeting. When the band broke up, they collected them all on one album that only went to club members.

Besides being pretty funny (many of the pieces are elaborate, absurd skits in the style of The Goon Show or Monty Python), it brilliantly illustrates The Beatles' career in a way that no documentary could. It moves from the early camaraderie (making fun of the bad copy they've been given to read) on the first tracks to the latter discs where they all hate each other and they do their bits individually. It's an amazing document if you can find it.