Great Songs About Meat

11/14/08 4:56pm

by Cameron Gordon (CHARTattack)

Artists have been singing about food since the dawn of time... and we're not just talking about "Weird Al" Yankovic. In a lot of ways, the relationship between musicians and food parallels the relationship between musicians and their fans. Both food and fans are essential for survival. Both smell kinda funny. Both are necessary evils.

But what about meat? How do these gamey slabs of dead animal factor into the equation? Well, there have been hundreds of songs written about meat over the years. Some of the artists use meat as an analogy to express human emotion and suffering. Others were probably just hungry when they wrote the tunes.

Any way you slice it, meat is here to stay, so here's a stab at the 10 greatest "meat songs" of all time.

10. Guided by Voices "Sing For Your Meat"
Half Smiles Of The Decomposed was the final studio album for Ohio-based indie legends Guided By Voices. Included amongst the farewells was this mawkish ode to something or other. The track doesn't mention meat anywhere in the lyrics, but that's OK because GBV had sung about meat in the past ("Chicken Blows" from 1995's Alien Lanes) and, frankly, GBV were friggin' awesome.

9. Ween "Pollo Asado"
Gene and Dean Ween have always been predisposed to wacky Latin goofiness, and The Pod's "Pollo Asado" is no exception. The track is essentially a spoken-word piece featuring a series of orders in a Mexican restaurant set ablaze over a lazy, surf-inspired backing track. The song mentions both beef and chicken, so it's certainly a worthy addition to this list.

8. MF Doom "Beef Rapp"
The lead track off MF Doom's 2004 gastronomical opus, MM... FOOD, is a cautionary tale about the dangers of beef and its potential effects on your well-being. He warns that fried beef could lead to a stroke or even a heart attack if you're not careful. Of course, he starts rhyming about toilets five verses later, so best to take any messages from "Beef Rapp" with a grain of salt. Or two.

7. Cibo Matto "Know Your Chicken"
Speaking of albums all about food, Cibo Matto's Viva! La Woman features songs about artichokes, sugar water and birthday cake, all delivered in broken English over spazzy NYC-based beats. "Beef Jerky" could've also made this list, but we opted for "Know Your Chicken" for the sake of white meat fans everywhere.

6. Weezer "Pork And Beans"
"Pork And Beans" was meant to be something of a statement against the materialism of the record industry. But instead, it comes off like a typical Weezer single with tons of layered guitars, some deadpan vocals from Rivers Cuomo and the suggestion that he eats his candy with pork and beans. Yummy!

5. Jimmy Buffett "Cheeseburger In Paradise"
Grill us if you must, but "Cheeseburger In Paradise" is an anthem and, at times, a lifestyle for a generation of white suburban moms and dads. Dancing to this track with fellow Parrotheads at an outdoor amphitheatre is pretty much the greatest thing ever for a Jimmy Buffett fan, so that's gotta be worth something.

4. Tom Waits "Eggs And Sausage (In A Cadillac With Susan Michelson)"
Tom Waits wrote "Eggs And Sausage (In A Cadillac With Susan Michelson)" years before the breakfast burrito was invented. This is unfortunate, as the tasty breakfast fave would've been right at home on his Nighthawks At The Diner standout. Eggs, sausage, chili and burgers are all mentioned in the track — certainly Tom could've given the breakfast burrito some lip service, too.



3. Clara Peller "Where's The Beef?"
If you grew up in the '80s, you might recall Clara Peller as the sassy, straight-shootin' grandma who appeared in a series of TV spots for Wendy's. Her "Where's The Beef?" catchphrase became a genuine pop culture phenomenon, helping to lay the groundwork for "Don't tase me, bro" and "I just threw up in my mouth a little." Nashville disc jockey Coyote McCloud was so taken with Peller that he actually recorded a rap song with Peller acting as his Akon. Check out WFMU's stellar Beware Of The Blog website for a free download.

2. Fear "Beef Bologna"
L.A. hardcore punk outfit Fear were most well known for being one of John Belushi's favourite bands. This is unfortunate because they should have been well known for writing great meat songs. "Beef Bologna" is one such example. Lead shouter Lee Ving states that some lady has little interest in salami, pastrami, chicken or roast. Instead, she's interested in Lee's beef bologna. I'm not positive, but I think that reference is phallic in nature.

1. The Smiths "Meat Is Murder"
This anti-meat track seems like an odd choice to top the list, but it deserves top billing for not only mentioning meat but also featuring actual meat sounds during the song, as Morrissey sampled the sounds of cows mooing for the track. "Meat Is Murder" was pretty upsetting when I first heard it as a teenager, but many years and many meals later, I've come to appreciate it as perhaps the ultimate meat song.