In a not very well-kept secret, Beyoncé played the CMAs last night, doing a barnburning performance of her Lemonade country song "Daddy Lessons" with The Dixie Chicks. There was some predictable backlash from the All Lives Matter subset of country fans, but it should be no surprise how well the collaboration worked. Beyoncé has Texas roots, grew up listening to country, and has more swagger than a giant hoedown full of strings and horns can keep up with.
Besides, Beyoncé has already shown herself to be the best genre chameleon in pop since, what, David Bowie?
Just look at these credentials: She overshadowed Coldplay at the Super Bowl, sang gospel at the Grammys, she played the BET Awards with Kendrick Lamar, sang the American national anthem at Obama's inauguration, she basically took over the VMAs. There's almost no stage she can't conquer.
So where can she go next?
Beyoncé and Jack White play the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
Rock is the obvious next step, and this is the closest thing the fledgling genre has to an awards show. So Beyoncé joins Jack White for a medley of hits: "Love Interruption," "Hotel Yorba," "Don't Hurt Yourself," "Freedom," and, what the hell, "Don't Stop Believing." Gene Simmons has some words about the performance, but they get swept up in Beyoncé's dust.
Beyoncé plays a surprise performance at Pitchfork Music Festival with Father John Misty
A chain of phone calls between Jay Z, Solange, Ezra Keonig and Ryan Schreiber finally reach the ear of Beyoncé, who's 100% unaware of the string of Best New Musics she's received over the years. She's also never met the pretentious beardman she's sharing the stage with despite his writing credit on Lemonade, but she's more than happy to interrupt Josh Tillman's rant before he can say "dualistic bourgeoisie monoculture." After her scorching, bat-swinging rendition of "Hold Up," Foxygen, who were scheduled to follow, are nowhere to be found.
Beyoncé teams up with The Libertines at the Brit Awards
The U.K. wing of Beyoncé's team realizes she hasn't thrown a bone to the English market in awhile, so they get her booked for a performance at the Brit Awards. Remembering how she stole the spotlight at the Super Bowl, Coldplay politely declines, while Bono is double-booked as the special guest at a Taylor Swift concert (because she likes to support women), so she shares the stage with Pete Doherty instead. Noel Gallagher calls the collaboration "a fooking cabbage of a middle toe," adding "I'd rather smoke a bit of pavement than listen to that bloody shit again." The Libertines' whole discography re-enters the British charts.
Beyoncé wins a Webby
The Webbys relax their 5 word speech rule when Beyoncé accepts her award for Artist of the Year with a 47-minute medley of songs from her surprise visual album Knowles, which appears simultaneously as a TIDAL exclusive. The next morning, Jay Z sells the streaming service to Apple for an undisclosed amount rumoured to be in the billions.
Beyoncé wins the Polaris Prize
Knowles is actually credited to Beyoncé & BADBADNOTGOOD, so it's deemed eligible for Canada's Polaris Prize. Beyoncé is unavailable to perform with the Toronto instrumental band so they settle for someone easier to book: Drake.