In the not so distant past, Donald Trump running for POTUS seemed even more ludicrous than, say, Kanye West (if you’ve already lost count, we’re 0 for 2 here). But as the days count down towards the reveal of the Republican Presidential candidate, the joke isn't ending – Trump’s lead in prediction polls is actually widening. All signs point to the billionaire buffoon becoming one of two major candidates for the most powerful position in the world. As a Canadian with absolutely NO say in the matter, I have this to say: America, get your shit together.
While the world hasn’t been #blessed with this kind of grade-A fuel for political satire since Sarah Palin, the fact that this insanity could become our actual reality is frightening. Just ask Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. The wrinkly rock god, along with his band mates, sent Trump a cease-and-desist letter over the weekend (which he ignored) in order to block the unauthorized use of their hit “Dream On” as part of his campaign.
Aerosmith isn't the first band to try to avoid the stink of Trump. Neil Young publicly blasted the Presidential candidate and his team for their use of “Rockin’ In The Free World.” Michael Stipe had a few stronger words for the hotel mogul and former reality TV star when he used REM's “It’s The End Of The World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)": "go fuck yourself."
For artists, a campaign nod from The Donald isn't so much an endorsement as a kiss of death. But he can't just come out to silence. So we've come up with a few more picks for Trump to try out, if only to hear "go fuck yourself" shouted at him by a few more people.
Taylor Swift, "Out Of The Woods"
Never have Swift's lyrics had such a perfect application. Envision the population of the free world, all anxiously awaiting the imminent results, mindlessly biting their nails, asking themselves her perfectly posed existential question: “Are we out of the woods yet?!” (Side note: Is Trump part of Taylor's #squad yet?)
Europe, "The Final Countdown"
In the same vein as REM’s classic “End Of The World,” Europe’s massive one-hit wonder marks the changing times, the dawning of a new era... one that could see America’s ultimate demise.
M.O.P., "Ante Up"
There’s nothing Americans love more than a celebrity train wreck, and this one’s heading straight to Capital Hill. So Democrats, we're looking at you. Whoever you’re looking to elect, they better bring their A-game.
Public Enemy, "Fight The Power"
Trump has made it very clear which evil forces working against honest, hard-working Americans he’ll work tirelessly to defeat: Planned Parenthood, the environment, homosexuals, ObamaCare and Mexico. As the pillar for upstanding American citizens – Flavor Flav – once rapped, “WE GOTTA FIGHT THE POWERS THAT BE!”
Mac Miller, "Donald Trump"
Brash, crude, cocky, a little lowbrow – it’s the embodiment of Donald Trump in musical form (namesake notwithstanding). It’s so not meta, it’s meta. And something tells us Mac wouldn't turn Trump down. Should the stars align, he could rap such timeless lyrics as “find a big butt bitch somewhere / get my nuts kissed” live as Trump leads his wife and young son up the stairs to the podium. “Take over the world when I’m on my Donald Trump shit / look at all this money / ain’t that some shit?” Both poetic and profound.