Historically, Blue Jays songs are cheesy. That's not a value judgement, it's just a fact. It's not a coincidence you're seeing Coke bring back its vintage Jays-themed "Always Coca Cola" jingle or feature after feature about "OK Blue Jays" despite its creator's befuddlement over its lasting impact. The last time Toronto's baseball team saw the playoffs was when they won their second straight championship in '93. The conception of a Blue Jays song is cast in amber as an early '90s throwback - a time of radio novelties, jock jams and commercial jingles.
But wait! Today, the Jays will play the Texas Rangers in their first playoff game in 22 (!) years and people are excited. And not just "remember the '90s?" excited. Right now excited. So maybe it's time for a new song that people can look back fondly on 22 years from now (hopefully not the next time the Jays make the playoffs). Here are some contenders for the title.
B & Steve, "Home Run Anthem"
Back in '93, the Jays were one of two Canadian teams (Vive Les Expos!), but now that they're the only option up here, wannabe Jays anthemists can really play up the hoser angle. So who better than B & Steve, the same good Canadian boys who made "Out For A Rip." Buds are really givin'er on this one, aiming right at the Blue Jays' in-house DJ. There's a chant built in, there's a dance routine and there's even Kelly friggin' Gruber. These guys want it so bad they can taste it.
Aaron Pollock ft. Swift Oliver, "''92"
A throwback to the days of song parodies made by morning zoo hosts becoming minor local hits in their own right ("The Real Suga Baby," never forget), "'92" takes Taylor Swift's "22" and basically replaces the lyrics with a reading of the Blue Jays' active roster. A nice effort, but maybe they should have picked a different artist to parody...
Taylor Swift, "Blank Space" (Blue Jays version)
Look, I'm sure she means well. But if the Taylor Swift curse is real, looping herself saying "Blue Jays" over and over at the Rogers Centre right before the team's final regular season game doesn't sound like a chant. It sounds like a hex. So let's go ahead and rule that one out.
Adam Jesin, "First Place"
Seriously, what's with all the Taylor Swift parodies?
Buck 65, "Joey Bats"
Rich Terfry was once scouted for the MLB, so thankfully we get a baseball song instead of hockey from the Canadian rapper. This one is more specific than the others on the list so far, focusing specifically on José Bautista at a time when he was the undisputed slugger of the team. Now he has some competition.
RENDERS, "Josh" (Donaldson)
And here's the competition: Josh Donaldson. After you hear Peterborough, Ontario singer/songwriter Kelly McMichael's electro-pop ode to the 2015 All Star, you'll likely be humming it every time he comes to the plate, Phil Collins be damned.
Drake, "Back To Back"
Okay, so "Back To Back" isn't explicitly about the Blue Jays' '92/'93 championships as much as a sly reference for Drake to prop himself up against his rival (it's his second unanswered Meek Mill diss track). But is it any surprise it introduced World Series hero Joe Carter to a new generation? Or that the Jays have gone 42-18 since he dropped it? Maybe Drake is ambassador for the wrong Toronto sports franchise.