It’s the holiday season again, and we at Chart Attack are outlining all the things you should buy your loved ones, and also us. So read on, buy at least one thing, and carry it around with you, so you can give it to us if you see us on the street. Today: the most giftable music toys and gadgets of 2013.
GG Allin My Prison Walls book, Throbblehead, and latex mask Combo
The package: Just in time for the holidays, and for the low, low price of $200, the good people at Aggronautix have packaged this hardcover monograph of GG’s prison memoirs, the GG Allin Throbblehead (a punk rock bobblehead?), and a GG Allin latex mask, for all of you well-to-do, completist scumfucs.
Who’s it for?: Anyone who thinks human shit is an underused art medium.
Where to get it: Get your grimy paws on it here.
Pro-ject Debut Carbon Turntable
The package: This magical device will make beautiful music out of all of those mysterious vinyl platters you’ve collected over the last few Record Store Days and hung on your wall like museum relics. At $399, it’s probably the best bang for your buck. And it comes in different colours, so you can, like, express yourself.
Who’s it for?: Anyone who just swears, “It sounds way warmer.”
Where to get it: Amazon it.
The package: For the proud synth nerd who has everything: this set of 4 Moog Audio coasters for $12.
Who’s it for?: Us. Anyone who’s afraid of beer rings or coffee slops near their precious Voyager.
Where to get it: Order them here.
Kohler Moxie Showerhead + Wireless Speaker
The package: For $229, you can clean yourself to the tune of your nearby Bluetooth-enabled device, piped in by a wireless speaker smack-dab in the centre of the showerhead. Sure it’s frivolous, but the fixtures and faucets people at Kohler have done us a small public justice — fewer water-damaged electronics, maybe the end of unwitting bathroom electrocutions.
Who’s it for?: Anyone else worried when they sit their laptop on their impossibly small sink just so they can sing along to “House of the Rising Sun” while they soap up.
Where to get it: Your nearest Kohler retailer.
The package: Subscribe by the month (averaging about $15) to receive every release from your very favourite record label. drip.fm has already partnered with the likes of Captured Tracks, Mom+Pop, Kill Rock Stars, Domino, and the Jagjaguwar family to deliver fresh tracks.
Who’s it for?: Any lazy or tech-stupid music-lovers. Also, label fanboys and fangirls. Check if they have a Dead Oceans shirt in their closet.
Where to get it: Sign up here.
LittleBits and Korg Synth Kit
The package: LittleBits and Korg have teamed up to offer this build-your-own analogue modular synth kit for $159. It’s like lego for Boards of Canada fans. Learn how an oscillator works!
Who’s it for?: Your buddy who does “projects.” Send it to people who Scrobble Discreet Music.
Where to get it: Pre-order now and cut out a picture for your card.
AKG 451 Mini Headphones
The package: These aren’t your studio monitors, but they’ll make a great set of commuter cans. A tick cheaper than the equivalent Grados at $120, these foldable, ultra portable AKGs will give you the best audio for your money.
Who’s it for?: Us. And anyone tired of their obnoxious Skullcandys or those Beats by Dre they bought outta the back of a van.
Where to get it: Order here.
Mechanical Music Box
The package: It was cute the first time you saw one of these little trinket music boxes on your buddy’s coffee table and it played “Blackbird” or “Love Me Do” or some shit; well, now you can make your very own for under $20.
Who’s it for?: The hobbyist. All of those kids who’ve spent years horsing around on Fruity Loops.
Where to get it: Order here.
Metallica Pinball Machine
The package: It’s kind of a career milestone when you’re big enough to have your own pinball machine. Stern Pinball is giving Metallica that moment. These bad boys are still in production, and they’re not advertising a price, but we imagine they’ll cost a pretty penny.
Who’s it for?: Sure, we could use one around the office, but we’re pretty sure anyone who was throwin’ the horns back when Master of Puppets first appeared is probably old and rich enough to have a rec room. Yeah, for people with rec rooms.
Where to get it: Make order inquiries here.